As I sit here typing, my eight-year-old son is nestled against me on the couch. He has a habit of weaving his fingers through my hair whenever we’re cozied up watching TV. During our family walks, he stays close, and when we encounter someone at a distance, he instinctively inches closer to me, as if to shield himself from the world outside.
My son has always been affectionate, a fact well-known among family and friends. If I’m present, he’s usually right by my side—either perched on my lap or leaning against me. This behavior intensified after the passing of his father, my husband, and has only escalated since the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a global pandemic, leading us to confine ourselves at home. His dependency has surged to levels reminiscent of when he was just two years old.
Prior to the pandemic, my son was gradually learning to assert his independence. He began attending sleepovers and was more comfortable exploring social settings away from me. I felt a bittersweet pride as he navigated playdates, often running off to join friends with hardly a glance back at me. Although I cherished those moments of closeness, I was excited to see him developing his own sense of self.
However, after countless weeks of lockdown, he has reverted to being my constant companion. His fingers still find their way through my hair, and he clings to my favorite sweatshirt as a makeshift security blanket—a compromise that prevents him from seeking refuge in my bed every night. He’s become my shadow; wherever I go, he follows.
Dr. Michael Anderson, a child psychologist, explains that clinginess often stems from a child’s instinctual response to perceived threats and anxiety. In evolutionary terms, proximity to caregivers enhances survival. Given the upheaval in their lives, it’s understandable that many children are seeking reassurance and comfort. The message they received during lockdown—stay home and keep your distance—has likely reinforced my son’s need to remain close to me, his sole adult figure in our household.
While I cherish being his safe haven, I also find it challenging to always be his emotional support. It’s vital for both of us to have time apart; developing independence is crucial for his growth. I worry about his ability to navigate the world without me, especially when life resumes its usual pace. Will he remember how to separate? Will the steps he had taken towards independence have vanished entirely?
Eventually, life will return to a semblance of normalcy. Sleepovers will happen again, and he will have to enter school without me by his side. I fear he may struggle to let go, overwhelmed by the thought that I could disappear, much like his father did. The lessons learned during such profound loss have left an imprint on his young mind.
However, I remind myself that he has found his independence before. After his father’s passing, he eventually learned to trust me enough to explore the world on his own terms. He will find his way again, when he is ready, and when he feels secure enough to venture out.
For now, it’s okay for him to need a little extra closeness. When he is prepared, he will once again find the strength to lift his chin, take a deep breath, and embrace the world outside.
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In summary, the pandemic has intensified my son’s clinginess, but it also serves as a reminder of the importance of security and connection during uncertain times. As we navigate this journey together, I hold onto the hope that he will rediscover his independence when the time is right.