In this edition of Home Insemination Kit’s advice column, our team of specialists tackles queries about life, relationships, self-image, parenting, and more. This week’s dilemma involves a parent juggling social obligations while raising young children.
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
I’m a mother of two toddlers, both under four years old. My best friend, who is childless and likely doesn’t plan to have kids—an option I fully support—keeps urging me to join her for nights out. She pushes me to go out every week, regardless of the day. She insists that my husband should be able to “manage the kids” while I take time for myself. However, the truth is, more often than not, I simply don’t want to go out. I’m exhausted, we have a solid routine in place, and while my husband is incredibly hands-on, that’s not the issue. Yes, my kids are still young and prefer my presence at bedtime, but it wouldn’t be catastrophic if I weren’t there. My youngest is only one and still nurses at night, which complicates things. She just doesn’t seem to understand. What should I do? I cherish her friendship, but her constant pushing is overwhelming.
It’s crucial for parents with young children to receive support. It’s unfortunate that your friend is adding to your stress when you likely have enough on your plate as a mom, especially during these chaotic times. Recognizing that your feelings of guilt stem more from her insistence rather than the idea of going out is a vital insight.
It’s important to acknowledge that individuals without children may struggle to fully grasp the realities of parenting. This isn’t a reflection of their character or empathy; it’s simply a matter of differing life experiences. Your friend undoubtedly cares for you and your family, but her inability to fully comprehend your situation is something you’ll need to navigate.
Communicate with her that while you love her and enjoy your time together, after a long day of parenting, the last thing you want to do is get dressed up and leave your home. For nursing mothers, the thought of being away for extended periods can be even more daunting.
Consider establishing a compromise. Schedule some regular get-togethers that allow her to come over and relax with you—whether that’s binge-watching shows on the couch or enjoying a glass of wine on your porch. You can also visit her place, where you won’t have to worry about makeup or dressing up. Let her know that if she wants to spend time together while you manage your busy life with two young kids, she’ll need to adapt to what works best for you right now. Remember, you need your friend, too; we all do.
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Summary:
Managing friendships while parenting can be challenging, especially when friends without children don’t fully understand your reality. It’s essential to communicate your needs and set boundaries, while also finding ways to maintain meaningful connections.