When the topic of messy rooms and bathrooms arises in discussions among parents, I am often taken aback by the popularity of a seemingly simple solution: just shutting the door. Many parents claim they allow their tweens and teens to maintain their spaces as they see fit—whether that means dirty laundry piled high, schoolwork scattered everywhere, or even an old slice of pizza hidden under the bed. They argue that it’s their child’s space and therefore their responsibility. They believe that their teens will eventually get the hang of it, and that, as parents, they must “choose their battles.” I can relate to this sentiment, as parenting can be overwhelming, and it’s understandable to prioritize more pressing issues. However, while parents acknowledge that their kids’ messy rooms cause them stress, they often simply choose to close the door and ignore it.
On the surface, this approach might seem reasonable. After all, I didn’t teach my kids to tie their shoes; they learned from their peers. I also don’t constantly nag them about the state of their rooms. Nevertheless, I refuse to let either of their spaces become so messy that I feel compelled to shut the door and pretend it doesn’t exist. Perhaps it’s my strict nature, but I expect my children to maintain a fairly tidy environment most of the time—especially my son.
The primary reason I enforce this expectation is that I want my son to grow up to be a responsible partner. I don’t want him to perpetuate the stereotype that men are oblivious to messes or incapable of cleaning them. I worry that my fatigue as a parent might lead to my son’s future partner rolling their eyes at me for not teaching him how to maintain a clean space. Many married women have likely experienced the frustration of dealing with husbands who never learned basic household skills. Too many boys reach adulthood without knowing how to contribute to a clean home.
To be clear, my conversations with other parents about messy rooms aren’t solely focused on boys; any child can create a chaotic space. However, when they become adults, especially in heterosexual marriages, the responsibility for household chores often falls disproportionately on women. Even in dual-income households, studies show that women typically still handle the majority of housework and childcare.
I don’t want either of my children to struggle with how to keep their spaces clean. Sure, they could find tutorials online, just as I learned to change a ceiling fan through YouTube, but maintaining a clean environment is not an instinctive skill; it’s a habit that must be developed. If I want both my kids to cultivate this habit, I can’t simply close the door on their messes.
I must supervise, encourage, and impose logical consequences when they neglect their responsibilities. For me, reminding my children to tidy their rooms has become just as routine as reminding them to brush their teeth, shower, or complete their homework. I’m not suggesting that parents should just yell at their kids to clean up and expect results. Some kids don’t naturally grasp the cleaning process and need guidance. My son, for instance, requires repeated demonstrations. My daughter, however, is one of those rare kids who keeps her space tidy without any prompts. My 14-year-old son, on the other hand, would gladly live in a pigsty if it had WiFi, and he often feels overwhelmed by the multi-step process of cleaning his room.
Over time, I’ve taught him various cleaning methods. I’ve joined him in making his bed, dusting surfaces, sorting toys into “keep,” “donate,” and “discard” piles, and helping him clear out clothes that no longer fit. Now, all it takes is me saying, “No gaming until your room is clean.”
Moreover, I don’t restrict cleaning responsibilities to just their individual spaces. Both kids help with family chores, such as folding laundry, washing dishes, vacuuming common areas, and cleaning windows. This teamwork is essential for living harmoniously with others, and I want both my children—especially my son—to learn these skills now instead of later from a frustrated partner who might feel resentful for doing all the household chores.
I admit that I have a personal stake in this issue. I’ve come across numerous statistics and heard too many complaints from women about their husbands who were never taught to clean. Perhaps it’s a topic I should discuss with my therapist, or maybe I’m onto something significant that all parents should consider when raising their sons.
I never want my son to be viewed through the same lens of disdain that I reserve for husbands who shirk household responsibilities. I want him to develop the habit of keeping his space reasonably clean now, so that his future partner has different reasons to be annoyed with him—none of which should stem from outdated gender roles.
Search Queries:
- How to teach kids to clean their rooms?
- Importance of cleaning habits in children.
- Gender roles and household chores.
- Tips for parents on managing messy rooms.
- Encouraging responsibility in tweens and teens.
Summary:
In a world where many parents choose to ignore their children’s messy spaces by simply closing the door, one mother asserts the importance of instilling cleaning habits in her kids. She emphasizes the significance of teaching both her son and daughter to maintain cleanliness as a means of preparing them for adulthood. By actively engaging in the cleaning process and encouraging teamwork in household responsibilities, she aims to break the cycle of gendered expectations and foster a sense of accountability in her children.