Recently, I lost my cherished grandfather, who lived to the age of 96. He had been residing in a care facility for several years. His obituary requested that attendees observe all necessary safety measures for those at risk. However, knowing my family, we were well aware that these precautions would likely be ignored. Consequently, out of concern for COVID-19, we chose not to attend his funeral.
His passing wasn’t entirely unexpected. My grandfather had mild dementia, relied on a walker—which he despised—and had grown increasingly depressed, especially since COVID-19 restrictions limited family visits. Communication was challenging; he rarely used his phone, and when he did, hearing him was often difficult. We missed him dearly, but it had been a while since we had seen him.
The Reality of Family Safety Measures
When the pandemic began, my husband analyzed the rapid spread of the virus and recognized that it was going to be a lengthy ordeal. We offered for my mother to move in with us, but she declined. During a soup drop-off, I suggested we practice proper social distancing, but she brushed off my concerns. I later discovered she had been seeing friends without following safety protocols, despite claiming she was isolating for our family’s safety.
When my husband confronted her about her disregard for basic COVID-19 guidelines, she became upset. He calmly expressed our desire to see her again in two weeks if she adhered to quarantine measures. Despite our attempts to connect through video calls, we haven’t heard from her since. Yet, social media revealed pictures of her enjoying a beach day with friends, oblivious to safety measures.
The Dilemma of Attending the Funeral
Considering the funeral, I was certain that social distancing would not be practiced. There would be hugs, people crowding around, and masks improperly worn. I often find myself scolding shoppers at the grocery store for violating distance rules—was I really going to do the same to beloved family members? I was torn between the need to protect myself and my family and the desire to express my love.
Concerns About the Church Setting
My grandfather was deeply religious, and his funeral would include a Mass with Holy Communion. This meant a priest, one hand distributing wafers to many, and the necessity of removing masks to receive Communion. Health experts have noted that churches can be hotspots for virus transmission due to the close quarters and communal singing. The very nature of religious services—filled with hymns and collective responses—contradicts COVID-19 safety guidelines.
The Risks of Interaction at Funerals
Funerals typically involve numerous lines: for visitation, snacks, and receiving condolences—all rife with opportunities for close contact. The thought of standing in line for Communion, amidst a crowd, filled me with dread. If someone got too close, how could I voice my concerns about safety without appearing rude?
Confronting the Reality of Hugging
Hugging is another breach of COVID-19 safety. It’s hard to deny the instinct to hug those who knew my grandfather, especially when family members might pressure me to do so. The guilt of not embracing someone, particularly in a time of grief, weighed heavily on my heart.
Ultimately, We Stayed Home
So, in the end, we missed the funeral of a man who loved me deeply. My mother might think I’m exaggerating my relationship with him since we hadn’t seen him recently, but I have my reasons for that. I believe she sees my commitment to COVID-19 safety measures as excessive. The reality is that we couldn’t afford to take any risks. With case numbers rising and our family being high-risk, staying home was the only responsible choice. It was heartbreaking, but necessary.
Life must go on, even when it means missing significant moments.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the difficult decision to skip a grandfather’s funeral due to concerns about COVID-19 safety protocols. It discusses the author’s experiences with family members who do not take the pandemic seriously, highlighting the emotional struggle between honoring a loved one and protecting one’s health. Ultimately, the author emphasizes the importance of prioritizing safety, even at the cost of missing significant family events.