Nothing screams “economic downturn due to a pandemic” quite like splurging on a $2,000 Ouija board from GOOP. What do you get when you mix a waning full moon, a drawn-out election, the looming threat of a novel virus, a faltering economy, and Gwyneth Paltrow? The latest GOOP Holiday Gift Guide, of course. It’s here, it’s out of touch, and, let’s be honest — neither astronomical unemployment rates nor the struggles of small businesses are going to stop Gwyneth from rolling this out. Thank goodness for that!
Yes, GOOP has unveiled its “Ridiculous but Awesome Gift Guide” — because wealthy individuals still have money to burn, and they’re definitely going to spend it instead of just tossing it into the fire (which would be quite harmful to the planet).
Bespoke Artisanal Bed, $38,000
goop X Avocado
Simply titled “Bed” in the guide, my initial thought was how pretentious this sounded until I clicked the link and discovered it’s labeled “Bespoke, Artisanal Bed For Conscious Living.” Yes, it really says that. It starts at $38,000, which means you can opt for the lower-end version or go all out for the deluxe model.
Carbon Negative Vodka, $75
Air Company
This vodka claims to be environmentally friendly, but when you find yourself at a bar ordering “carbon negative vodka straight up,” you might just wish you could disappear.
Ouija Board, $1,995
EDIE PARKER
As a child, I once used a Ouija board with friends and we allegedly contacted a ghost named “Jimbo,” who just kept saying “Goodbye.” It was terrifying, and I’ve avoided Ouija boards ever since. Now, you can own this high-class version for a mere $2,000 — a steal for a potential nightmare!
Pyramid Commode, $35,000
ELIZABETH PAIGE SMITH
Surprisingly, a commode isn’t solely a toilet, but also a chest of drawers. In my years, I’ve never heard anyone refer to a chest of drawers as a “commode.” It’s a stunning piece, but let’s be real — who should spend $35,000 on furniture when there are people in need? Enjoy, I guess!
Custom Birth Sill, $7,500
STILIYANA MINKOVSKA
This item comes with a full-size man and an actual baby, which might be worth the price.
Watermelon Bag, Price on Request
Tsuchiya Kaban
This leather bag is specifically designed to hold a whole watermelon. If the price isn’t listed, it probably means you can’t afford it, and will have to stick to that old Trader Joe’s bag.
Study Pod, From $13,600
Study Pod
With my kids causing chaos during remote learning, I would trade anything for this Study Pod. Clearly, I was born into the wrong financial bracket.
For more engaging content, check out this post on our other blog.
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In summary, the latest GOOP Holiday Gift Guide showcases an array of extravagant products, from a $38,000 bed to a $1,995 Ouija board, all while remaining blissfully unbothered by the current economic climate. Whether you’re curious or just entertained, this guide highlights the luxury market’s resilience and the shopping habits of the wealthy.