As a child raised in an orthodox faith, I quickly learned that my body was considered a temple that required careful covering. By the age of six, I was already familiar with the concept of modesty. To me, this meant ensuring my hemlines reached my kneecaps—or perhaps just above if I dared to rebel a little. My shoulders had to remain covered, and I avoided anything too revealing or tight. Modesty was a reflection of my commitment to my beliefs, and I felt a responsibility to prevent men and boys from harboring impure thoughts.
As an adult undergoing a faith transition, I found myself reevaluating many of my beliefs, but modesty remained a complex issue I couldn’t neatly categorize. It didn’t fit into the tidy piles of what to keep, toss, or donate. I continue to confront and challenge the unhealthy conditioning from my upbringing, especially when I put on a dress that feels shorter than what I was taught was acceptable.
Questions Flood My Mind
- Will they think my dress is inappropriate?
- Will they judge me for showing too much leg?
- Will they see me as making poor choices?
- Am I less valuable because of what I wear?
The realization that I might be passing these thought patterns to my children has kept me awake at night. I worry that my daughters may internalize these beliefs about their worth, or that my sons may judge a girl’s value based on her clothing choices. This has fueled my determination to break free from the cycle of modesty judgments.
Reflecting on why I had so closely linked modesty to my self-worth has been a challenging journey, largely influenced by the purity culture prevalent in many orthodox communities. I started to ask myself how I could move beyond teachings that equated my value with the coverage of my body and how I could foster a healthier understanding of modesty in my family.
Emerging New Thoughts
- I am not my legs.
- I am not defined by my hemline.
- I am not my calves or how tight my dress is.
- I am simply me—a whole person, not defined by my attire.
I began to embrace a personal understanding of modesty that felt authentic to me. This year, I look back and realize I wore a mid-thigh dress that showcased my legs and heels that accentuated my calves—something I never would have done before, especially for family photos. But this year, I did it.
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Search Queries:
- How to redefine modesty after religious upbringing?
- Impact of orthodox teachings on self-worth.
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In summary, my journey of reevaluating modesty has allowed me to break free from the constraints of my orthodox upbringing. Embracing a new understanding of self-worth that isn’t tied to my clothing has been liberating, and I now aim to model a healthier perspective for my children.