“Do you believe in soulmates?”
I find myself asked this question often. Is it because I’m a therapist, or perhaps because I’ve been happily married for 11 years, even though I’m only 30? I’m not sure either qualifies me to delve into such philosophical inquiries, but I’ll take a stab at it. Maybe it’s simply that I’ve surrounded myself with romantics who love to analyze every relationship they’ve ever had. Whatever the reason, the question keeps coming up, and I’ve come to realize that my answer is yes—I believe in soulmates. Plural. Yes, I have many soulmates.
This is what I tell the middle-aged man sitting next to me on a plane, who starts sharing his life story after we exchange glances and introduce ourselves. This is my response to the woman in the store who opens up about her relationship struggles because, apparently, I’m just easy to talk to. It’s also what I say to the little ones with bright eyes, full of hope about love before they’ve faced the harsh realities that often come with it. And yes, it’s what I share with those who have loved and lost, pondering what was, what is, and what might be: yes, I believe in soulmates, plural.
I believe we have many soulmates—those who come into our lives as partners, friends, pets (especially dogs, not so much cats—sorry), work, places, family (both chosen and biological), and even hobbies. So when I’m asked the follow-up question of “who is your soulmate?” my answer is simple: gather your own wonderful soulmates, people.
Get Yourself a (Lover) Soulmate
Get yourself a (lover) soulmate who will lay beside you, offering comfort on your still-petite-but-eight-month-pregnant belly, as you cry for the baby lost to you. Find a (lover) soulmate who will sleep on a couch that’s far too small for a week while you’re in the hospital after a stillbirth that nearly claims your life. Seek out a (lover) soulmate who will reassure you of their love even in the midst of your two-year-old tantrums, when you rage about never wanting to bake again after a baking disaster.
Get Yourself (Friends) Soulmates
Get yourself (friends) soulmates who will leave their newborns to comfort you as you grapple with the fear of labor for a baby that won’t come home. Seek friends who bring care packages full of wellness and postpartum supplies, gathered from your community. Find friends who will handle your messages because you can’t bear to share your grief with anyone else. Get a friend (soulmate) who will remain by your side, even while enduring her own pain, not mentioning her engorged breasts because she knows you’d give anything to nurse your baby.
Get yourself a (friend) soulmate who calls you daily from abroad when you’re questioning your long-term boyfriend’s commitment. Find a (friend) soulmate who will have a panic attack on a flight, desperate to be with you after hearing the heartbreaking news of your loss. Seek a (friend) soulmate who persistently reaches out, even when you’re not ready to engage.
Find a (friend) soulmate who will take time off work to help clear out the nursery you lovingly decorated, allowing you to avoid the painful reminders. Get a (friend) soulmate who prioritizes watching your dog over visiting her own father in the hospital. Seek out a (friend) soulmate who will check on you for two months after your tragedy, knowing you may not respond. Find a (friend) soulmate who will cry with you during your darkest moments, laugh at your jokes that others might find inappropriate, and take you out for wine and cheese when words fail.
Get a (Sister-in-Law) Soulmate
Get a (sister-in-law) soulmate who traverses the distance between cities just to accompany you to doctor appointments. Find a (sister-in-law) soulmate who will cry beside you as you sift through your baby’s memory box. Seek a (sister-in-law) soulmate who sends you treats and expresses herself freely, crying when she reads your heartfelt writings.
Get (In-Laws) Soulmates
Get (in-laws) soulmates who respect your need for solitude while missing you dearly, driving hours to see you even when you retreat to your room. Seek (in-laws) soulmates who send plants, knowing you need something to nurture.
Find a (Brother) Soulmate
Find a (brother) soulmate who shows up in the middle of the night when you’re in surgery, ensuring he’s there when you wake up. Seek a (brother) soulmate who stays vigil, afraid that if he looks away, you might not wake. Get a (brother) soulmate who will discuss the raw details of your life’s turmoil, understanding that you need to process it.
Get a (Mom) Soulmate
Get a (mom) soulmate who embraces you as you cry, knowing she can’t fix your pain. Find a (mom) soulmate who prepares your favorite soup in ready-to-eat portions, even when you insist it’s unnecessary. Seek a (mom) soulmate who keeps her phone on loud through the night, just in case you need to talk.
Get a (Dad) Soulmate
Get a (dad) soulmate who checks in with you multiple times a day after your brush with death. Seek a (dad) soulmate who reminds you that you are his favorite person, and shares your interests to stay connected with you.
Get Yourself Some Amazing Soulmates
If you’ve made it this far, you’ve learned a bit about me: A) I’ve faced significant challenges, and B) I am surrounded by love. But remember, none of this makes me unique. Life is tough, and sometimes, despite our best efforts, tragedy strikes. It happens to everyone—including that man on the plane and the woman in the store. It even touches the little ones, although we often try to shield them from such pain.
So, when you ponder the concept of a singular soulmate and the weight it carries, I encourage you to consider your own circle of warriors—those flawed yet beautiful souls who show up for you in ways that mean the world.
For more insights on the journey of pregnancy and related topics, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and explore ways to create your own family, such as through home insemination kits. If you’re interested in further reading, you might also enjoy this blog post on the subject.
Probable Search Queries:
- What are soulmates?
- How to find your soulmate
- Importance of friendship during tough times
- How to cope with loss and grief
- Understanding relationships and love
In summary, the essence of this letter is that we all encounter hardships, but we are also blessed with the souls who walk alongside us through it all. They are our soulmates, in myriad forms, reminding us that love exists beyond the traditional definitions.