As autumn arrives, vibrant leaves transform and fall, and the air turns crisp, I find myself reflecting on the anniversary of a deeply traumatic experience I endured at the hands of a trusted church leader. I was a victim of clergy sexual misconduct.
This incident occurred four years ago in Roanoke, Virginia, where I reside. The individual responsible was a former Bishop of my previous church, a member of the Mormon community. Despite multiple complaints from women regarding his troubling behavior, he remains active in the church with full privileges.
I have chosen to publicly share my story through news articles, podcasts, and various platforms. It is a story that is both shocking and tragically common among survivors. What I experienced is far from an isolated case; it is part of a larger narrative many of us share.
After years of therapy and trauma work, I have grappled with the impacts of spiritual abuse and coercion on my self-worth and dignity. I carry the burden of healing, but the shame of what happened is not mine to bear. This ongoing process is incredibly challenging.
In a recent article by Dave Gemmel, Associate Director of the NAD Ministerial Association, he emphasizes that clergy sexual misconduct represents a breach of sacred trust that can manifest in various forms. It is not limited to harassment or assault; it encompasses a broader spectrum of inappropriate behaviors.
My journey to unpack the trauma inflicted by an irresponsible and misogynistic bishop whom I trusted has been long. This bishop manipulated me, insisting that I “submit” to him for his guidance, suggesting that he had a “special way with women.” He pressured me to disclose intimate details of my sexual history and demanded that I be more sexual while remaining submissive.
Over time, I have realized that not everyone accepts my account. Some have gone so far as to label me dishonest. It is difficult for many to believe that someone they view as a spiritual authority could engage in abusive behavior. Yet, the reality is that abusers can possess both positive and negative traits, and they do not abuse everyone indiscriminately; they target and exploit specific individuals.
I do not require universal validation of my experience. I understand that some will choose not to believe me, and that does not diminish my truth. It is vital to remember that I was present in that office late at night; others were not.
The reluctance to confront uncomfortable truths enables abusers to maintain their positions of power, perpetuating cycles of victimization. After I shared my story publicly, I discovered that the bishop had allegedly paid nearly $20,000 in member donations to a family member who witnessed my distress, presumably to silence them and prevent corroboration of my account.
So, what steps can we take to combat clergy sexual misconduct?
- Ensure your faith community has clear policies and procedures for reporting abuse. My church failed in this regard, leaving no safe avenue for lay members to report an abusive bishop.
- Advocate for diversity in church leadership, including women in top positions, so that decisions affecting female members are made with their input. As Dave Gemmel points out, without gender diversity in leadership, the perspective is severely limited.
- Avoid seeking therapeutic counsel from clergy. While some may have pastoral training, this does not equate to the expertise of a trained therapeutic counselor. I mistakenly placed my faith in a bishop, believing he could provide the guidance I needed.
- If you must meet with clergy, always bring a trusted person with you and keep doors open to maintain appropriate boundaries. In my case, I was alone during a late-night meeting, leaving me vulnerable and without a witness to the events that transpired.
Overall, I have come to understand the profound and lasting effects of spiritual trauma. The scars may not fade as easily as autumn leaves. I struggled for a long time to articulate my experience, feeling shame and brokenness.
But now, I stand firm in my truth: I was a victim of clergy sexual misconduct. It was wrong, and it was not my fault. As the seasons change and the leaves shimmer in their vibrant colors, I continue to carry my trauma with me.
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Search Queries:
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Summary:
Jamie Collins shares her harrowing experience of clergy sexual misconduct, detailing the trauma inflicted by a trusted church leader. Despite the challenges in being believed, she emphasizes the importance of sharing her story for the sake of others. Collins outlines necessary steps to combat such misconduct within faith communities, highlighting the need for policy improvements, diverse leadership, and awareness of appropriate counseling practices. Her narrative aims to empower others dealing with similar experiences and foster a culture of safety and accountability.