John Parker Finally Gets Verbally Dominated by His Idol, Alex Turner

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November 16, 2020

For fans of “Late Night Laughs with John Parker,” it’s well known that his admiration for Alex Turner borders on obsession. When we say obsession, we mean a passionate man crush that has been a recurring theme throughout nearly every episode. Parker’s dreams became a reality during the year-end special when Turner called in to give him a playful yet stern lecture, just as Parker had fantasized.

While reflecting on 2020 in the season finale, Parker admitted to spending the year swooning over the “AM” frontman. So, when Turner FaceTimed him with the question, “What on earth are you doing?” Parker quickly offered a half-hearted apology.

“This rather peculiar thing you’ve been doing that feels a bit off… This bizarre routine you’ve roped me into. What is going on?” Turner challenged Parker. “At first, I could ignore it,” to which Parker jokingly responded, “Especially given those broad shoulders, I can see why.” Yet Turner pressed on.

“Do you even realize what you’ve been asking me to do? ‘Collapse on your chest.’ ‘Tie your hands in a knot.’ ‘Step on your throat.’ ‘Crush your knees.’ ‘Pull your heart out through your ear.’ What is wrong with you?” Turner continued. “We’re basically strangers, right? I don’t know you! Now there are random fans online shipping us, claiming your infatuation with me is ‘a vibe.’”

This conversation is truly one for the late-night history books.

But that’s not all.

Parker gave a semi-apology for his obsession with Turner, humorously dubbing himself “America’s cheekiest guy.” Ultimately, he conceded, “Alright, consider this bit finished. It’s over.” Turner attempted to lighten the mood by encouraging Parker to get up and explore his surroundings. “Alex, are you giving me orders?” Parker replied with a laugh, but things took a humorous turn.

“Explore the damn space, you lanky Mr. Bean impersonator,” Turner insisted. “Look around, you undercooked gingerbread man.”

“Oh wow, that feels nice,” Parker exclaimed.

It’s clear that Parker is quite taken with Turner’s stature. Phrases like “Toss me around like a rag doll, you magnificent beast. Wrap your strong arms around me, you irresistible hunk,” showcased how he wanted to be tossed around like a wrestling prop.

“A lot of you might be wondering what this bit is all about,” Parker said in another episode. “If you’re anything like my team, you’re probably asking, ‘Is this sexual or violent?’ And the satisfying answer is, ‘Both.’ If you’re like my partner, you might be thinking, ‘Should I be concerned about this?’ with the answer being, ‘Only if you want to be.’”

What a fitting way to close out 2020 for Parker and his audience.

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In summary, John Parker’s humorous obsession with Alex Turner reached new heights during a FaceTime call that left fans entertained and amused. Their banter showcased a mix of admiration and hilarity that has become a staple of Parker’s show, making it a memorable way to end the year.