What truly matters in a person is their character, not their race. My partner and I strive to instill this belief in our multiracial kids. When forming friendships, we emphasize that it’s a person’s values—such as honesty and kindness—that define how they will treat others. In a time of division and conflict, particularly highlighted during recent elections, we engage our children in discussions about what it means to be a good friend and to see beyond race to the heart of a person.
I was thrilled when a popular crayon brand introduced a box of skin tone crayons, and I quickly brought one home for my five-year-old twins. At last, they could color images of children that resembled them and our family. Surrounded by Disney princess movies and books, their curiosity spiked when they noticed differences between their curly hair and their best friends’ straight blonde locks in preschool. After some time, they asked why their favorite teacher’s skin tone differed from theirs. We patiently waited for them to approach us, and when they did, we explained, “Everyone is born with different skin colors. Even within our family, we have our own unique shades.”
Using their teacher as a point of reference, we discussed how she treated them. This allowed us to highlight the feelings she evoked in them. She listened, engaged with their interests, played, and genuinely cared. These qualities aligned with the values we want to impart to our children, making it easier to convey our message.
Children intuitively understand how others make them feel, which is paramount. As they grow, their questions about race will become increasingly complex. Writer Heather Greenwood Davis notes that fostering empathy, compassion, and a sense of justice early on helps shape them into adults who aspire to improve the world. For parents, this often requires tackling difficult conversations about race and discrimination.
We have managed to navigate these challenging discussions by framing them within broader lessons. As we strive to explain the complexities of our world, it’s essential to start from what our kids already know and how they are developing. Greenwood Davis recommends addressing any prejudicial ideas your child might express in an age-appropriate manner, discussing why certain words or thoughts can be hurtful.
Ongoing communication about the importance of character over skin color is crucial. While race and skin tone are significant, especially in today’s social and political climate, we must also teach our children to focus on the heart and to consider how their actions impact others. As adults, it is vital for us to embody these principles as well.
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Summary
In cultivating discussions about race with our multiracial children, we emphasize the importance of character over skin color. Using relatable examples, we guide them to understand values such as kindness and empathy. It’s crucial to communicate openly as they grow and their questions become more complex, helping them navigate the world with compassion.
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