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I often joke that the COVID-19 pandemic drained my last bit of patience. It’s true: situations that would have once made me cringe have become just another part of daily life. I’ve found myself shouting in stores: “Masks don’t work if your nose is exposed!” or waving my hand in frustration, declaring, “What part of six feet don’t you get?” I’ve been openly critical, stating that “People who don’t wear masks are fueling the pandemic.” I’ve even given the finger to those behind me in line, irked by my pause to sanitize my hands. Clearly, I’ve struggled to manage my anger effectively.
You may also be grappling with anger, though your triggers might differ. Whether it’s a messy home, a partner’s habits, or the chaos of remote schooling, we can rediscover our inner calm. Managing anger is challenging, but it’s achievable. After some research, I’m (slowly) learning to temper my rage. And you can join me in this journey.
Acknowledging Anger is Key
My flippant remark about losing my last bit of patience isn’t entirely positive. When I stopped worrying about others’ opinions, I not only asserted my right to request social distancing, but I also allowed myself to react harshly. I’ve been rude and unkind—an all-around Grade-A jerk.
Recognizing and naming our anger is crucial. When people disregard my space or neglect to wear masks, I feel personally affronted. I can now identify that feeling without making excuses for it. Anger is a legitimate emotion, and while we can’t control how we feel, we can manage our reactions.
Deep Breaths Matter
We’ve all heard the advice to take deep breaths. It may seem clichéd, but it’s effective. Anger often quickens our breath, making it shallow. By inhaling deeply, we not only restore normal breathing but also signal our body to relax. Managing anger effectively means calming ourselves.
As I breathe deeply, I also focus on relaxing my body, especially my jaw, which tends to tense up. This leads me to another vital anger management tip: pause before responding. As the Mayo Clinic suggests, “Think before you speak.” It’s not about crafting a witty comeback; it’s about finding the most appropriate response.
Creating a Plan Can Help
The American Physicians Association advises confronting the sources of our anger. Identify what truly frustrates you. For me, it’s individuals who disregard the seriousness of the pandemic. So, I’ve made a plan: I avoid those situations whenever possible. I choose locations that prioritize safety, such as pharmacies, while steering clear of crowded places like zoos during peak hours.
By limiting my exposure to these anger triggers, I can maintain my composure. And if I do encounter someone violating my boundaries, I remind myself: “This isn’t about you.” If they’re too close, I’ll assertively request, “Please step back. I need to maintain a six-foot distance, as recommended by the CDC.”
Find Your Escape
Recently, I received a frustrating text while parked in my car. Fortunately, I have a go-to solution: music. If I’m with my kids, I’ll sing softly, but when I’m alone, I crank up the volume and belt out David Bowie tracks—starting with “Under Pressure” and moving to “Modern Love” and “Ashes to Ashes.” Singing helps me release pent-up emotions, and even one song can prepare me to face the world again.
Discover your own escape for managing anger. Whether it’s music, a good book, a walk, or a favorite TV show, taking a timeout can be incredibly beneficial, as recommended by the Mayo Clinic. Stepping back from the situation also prevents potential regretful reactions.
Cultivating Empathy
I’m still working on this aspect. I can muster empathy for certain situations, like the text message, but when it comes to maskless individuals, it’s a challenge. I try to remind myself they might be misinformed or overwhelmed by isolation.
Managing anger requires an effort to understand others’ perspectives, which isn’t easy for me. I’ve been told I lack respect for differing opinions. Yet, I’m striving to improve. I practice empathy in small ways, like considering my child’s bedtime protests or my dog’s incessant barking. They both have their reasons for their behavior.
Be patient with me; I’m trying. But please keep your distance when you hear “Under Pressure” blasting from my car!