After my divorce, I felt ready to dive back into the dating scene after nearly two decades with the same partner. I was aware of how much had changed, especially with online dating and the fact I was now a mother in my 40s. I embraced the freedom I had, enjoying casual encounters that I chose, but soon felt compelled to seek something more substantial.
However, I came across several social media accounts run by men who claimed to have cracked the code on how women could win a man’s affection. My enthusiasm quickly turned to despair. The amount of “rules” I encountered was overwhelming, and I found myself taking copious notes to keep track of what I was supposed to do.
- Text him, but don’t overdo it; that’s needy.
- If something bothers you, mention it kindly.
- Show interest in his hobbies, like football, even if you don’t care for it.
- Always keep intimacy exciting.
It felt like a never-ending checklist of dos and don’ts to make a man fall in love. I even tried to conform to these absurd expectations, but soon realized the toll it was taking on my self-esteem. Instead of being true to myself, I felt like I was performing in a play written by someone I didn’t know. I was prioritizing men’s needs while neglecting my own.
I became frustrated with the idea that I had to suppress my feelings or act a certain way to keep someone interested. There are times when it’s perfectly valid to be upset, and I shouldn’t have to feel pressured to always be agreeable or available. When did we start believing that our worth is tied to how much we can alter ourselves to please a man?
It’s infuriating. I refuse to cater to someone else’s interests, like memorizing football stats, just to gain their affection. Some of these accounts even suggest how to walk to attract a man—really?
While doing things for someone you love is part of a relationship, it should be mutual. A healthy relationship is a two-way street built on genuine connection rather than manipulation. It’s 2020, and this advice is just a modern twist on outdated, sexist notions that women should do all the emotional labor in a relationship.
What often happens is that women end up feeling inauthentic, leading to frustration and resentment. You might attract a partner under false pretenses, but maintaining that facade is exhausting. If you find someone who loves you for who you truly are, that’s where genuine connection lies.
I can assure you that men do not engage in this type of self-modification for anyone. They don’t spend time thinking about how to attract women like some may suggest women should do.
The best thing I did was to stop following that nonsense and focus on finding someone who appreciates me for my authentic self. I urge all single women to do the same. You deserve a relationship where both partners are willing to grow together, not where one has to always change to meet the other’s expectations.
For more information on this topic, you can check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination, or learn about fertility boosters for men. Remember, the path to love should be about authenticity and mutual respect.
Summary
This article critiques the advice from male “relationship coaches” who dictate how women should change themselves to attract men. The author emphasizes the importance of being authentic and finding a partner who values you as you are, rather than conforming to unrealistic expectations.
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- How to attract a man without changing who you are
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- Dating tips for women in their 40s
- Importance of mutual respect in relationships