As a mom, finding moments of solitude has become increasingly difficult during the COVID-19 pandemic. I’m the only introvert in a household filled with extroverts, and I find myself struggling more than ever. Recently, I attempted to sneak away for a brief 10-minute meditation in my bedroom, but my nine-year-old daughter burst in and made herself comfortable on my bed.
“Sweetheart, I just want to meditate for a few minutes,” I said, already settled on my floor cushion. “What do you need?”
“I wanted you to read to me, but you can meditate,” she replied. “I’ll just watch.”
“But there’s nothing to watch,” I responded, adjusting my AirPods. “You’ll just be watching me sit here quietly with my eyes closed.”
“That’s OK,” she said cheerfully, pulling the comforter over her legs and opening her book. “I can just read.”
Cue my internal monologue of frustration, which seems fitting for these challenging times, eight months into the pandemic. With the U.S. reporting over 180,000 new COVID-19 cases daily, we are facing what may be the worst wave yet. My daughter’s return to in-person schooling has been postponed twice, now pushed back to at least January. While I understand it’s the right decision given the rising numbers, it’s no surprise that this introverted and perimenopausal mom has reverted to my old night owl habits.
In my previous life as a cultural critic for a newspaper, I thrived in the quiet of the night. After events like theater openings or concerts, I would write late into the night, reveling in the solitude. Those late hours provided a much-needed escape from the demands of raising two young daughters.
Now, with our family confined together 24/7, those peaceful moments have become a rare luxury. Midnight has transformed into my sanctuary, where I can finally write, read, or binge-watch shows like The Good Place or Schitt’s Creek—programs I enjoy alone.
Before the pandemic, I could find small pockets of time to think and work while my kids were in school and my husband was at the office. That balance has vanished. My partner is now working long hours, and I’m juggling deadlines alongside the daily chaos of family life—making meals, managing virtual schooling, and keeping the household running.
Most days, I can’t even jot down a simple to-do list, let alone draft an essay. Thus, I’ve turned to my late-night hours, but this comes at a cost. My husband, who starts work at 6 a.m., often says, “I miss you,” when he heads to bed alone. My daughter wonders why I’m not outside playing with her after school.
Yet, these small sacrifices are my lifeline to maintaining a sense of self during these overwhelming times. While staying up late often leaves me feeling isolated, it’s one of the few rituals that serves as a reminder that I’m still here, still real. In this new normal, I’ve realized that I need to carve out some hours each day that are solely mine.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, an introverted mother shares her struggles to find personal time amidst the chaos of family life during the COVID-19 pandemic. As she navigates the challenges of remote schooling and household responsibilities, she reclaims her night owl status to carve out moments for herself. This exploration highlights the importance of self-care and maintaining a sense of individuality in the midst of family demands.