I share my home with my partner and our two sons, aged 12 and 15. Despite being well past the terrible twos, it often feels like we’re back in those chaotic toddler years.
Just two weeks ago, after a peaceful afternoon, our eldest son erupted when we suggested he spend an evening with us instead of gaming online with his friends. Normally easygoing, he became furious at what he perceived as the tyranny of his parents demanding he play a round of “Code Names!” He looked as if he might call a human rights organization to report our oppressive parenting. My partner and I exchanged knowing smiles, trying hard to suppress our amusement. This was reminiscent of when he was only two, clutching a Thomas the Tank Engine toy.
Then, it was our younger son’s turn. He exploded after another frustrating day of remote learning, battling a malfunctioning microphone and spotty WiFi. I could have sworn I saw cartoonish steam coming from his ears. Where had he even learned those colorful words? Is that what Discord is for?
Next, it was my partner’s turn to lose his cool, followed by me. He vented about not wanting to fix the broken thermostat and ranted about household projects and the uneven distribution of chores. As for me, after trying to keep my composure over maskless individuals and the grocery shopper who reached over me for salsa, I lost it when I realized our Thanksgiving plans with family were canceled. I shouted at my partner, my boys, and even the barking dog. I can’t recount exactly what I said, but let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.
We all reacted similarly: anger, followed by yelling, then simmering resentment, and ultimately the embarrassment of our extreme reactions. If we were toddlers, we’d have been on the floor kicking and screaming.
What was happening? Had we really reverted to our toddler selves? No, we were simply experiencing what I like to call the Pandemic Tantrum, and it affects not just kids but adults too.
Initially, I felt guilty about our behavior. I understood the pandemic had been difficult, but did it really bring us back to toddlerhood? So, I delved into some research. I learned that tantrums occur when the amygdala, the brain’s emotion center, perceives a threat, and the hypothalamus triggers a reaction. Without a fully developed prefrontal cortex for self-regulation, young children and even teens can have emotional outbursts, leading to tantrums.
After my online research, I discovered that we are all living on edge. Since March, we have faced unprecedented fears and disappointments. The constant uncertainty of COVID, political strife, natural disasters, and the lack of traditional schooling or holidays have left our emotional states frayed. Our amygdala and hypothalamus have been on high alert, while our prefrontal cortices seem to have gone on vacation, leaving us feeling vulnerable.
Now, we find ourselves exposed, with our emotions tied to a world that feels increasingly chaotic. What can we do? Instead of dusting off those old parenting books on tantrums, I’ve decided to adopt some of their strategies for our whole family.
I realized that I needed to calm myself before I could help my sons. I have to acknowledge my own anger and frustration. I let myself feel it. Sometimes, I yell into a pillow or in the car when I’m alone, or I write an email I won’t send. I recognize that resisting these feelings is pointless; I have to let the anger out to move forward.
Once I cool down, I can recognize that life is far from normal. I shared my findings about brain science with my family, and we collectively decided how to support one another when the “Hurricane Tantrum” strikes. Here are five strategies we agreed upon:
- We avoid yelling back.
- We validate feelings of anger and frustration.
- We don’t take outbursts personally.
- We work to de-escalate by remaining calm.
- We incorporate humor, distractions, and hugs whenever possible.
Additionally, we focus on practicing gratitude and compassion for ourselves and each other, even when we falter. We recognize that we’re under significant stress, that outbursts are likely, and that they can actually be a necessary emotional release under these circumstances.
With this newfound understanding of the brain science behind tantrums, I feel more equipped to handle our family’s emotional rollercoaster until the pandemic subsides and we can find a sense of normalcy again.
For more insights on managing emotional challenges during this time, check out this resource and consider visiting this site for authoritative resources. For comprehensive information about pregnancy and home insemination, the CDC is an excellent reference.
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Summary:
This article discusses the phenomenon of “Pandemic Tantrums,” which affect both teens and adults during these tumultuous times. It explores the emotional responses driven by stressors related to the pandemic and suggests coping strategies for families to manage their feelings. By recognizing and validating emotions, families can support each other through these challenging moments.