My children swear. My nine-year-old has been known to say “hell” and “damn” on occasion. He’s even sung the word “bitch” while belting out David Bowie’s “Oh! You Pretty Things.” My eleven-year-old is sneakier with his language; I mainly hear about his cursing from his younger siblings. My seven-year-old? No cursing that I know of, but honestly, I wouldn’t mind if he did.
While there are certain words that I firmly prohibit and they know better than to use bad language in public, I typically brush off the so-called offensive words that come from my kids.
The Meaning Behind Curse Words
To be frank, many of the “big” curse words—like hell, damn, bitch, and even the f-word—have lost their weight in today’s society. When we exclaim “damn,” it’s rarely a condemnation; it’s more of an expression: “Oh, CRUD!” We call something a “bitch” when it’s particularly challenging. Personally, I find “shit” distasteful, but my kids don’t use it much. Even the f-word is often reserved for dramatic situations.
They don’t use these words in their original contexts. If I caught them using “shit” to refer to excrement, I would certainly intervene—not to mention if they ever dared to call a woman a “bitch.” However, when my eleven-year-old remarks that a game like Star Wars: Battlefront is “a bitch,” I just suppress a giggle. He knows the difference.
Words I Strictly Ban
There are a few words I will not tolerate in my home. If I ever hear any of my kids using ethnic slurs (no need to specify; we all know what they are), I would absolutely lose it. Those terms reflect hatred toward entire groups of people, and that has no place in our family.
My children have generally not been exposed to such language, and we choose to distance ourselves from those who do. Additionally, there are two other words that remain unacceptable in our household: t*ts and c*nt. Both are used derogatorily towards women, and since they carry that weight, they are off-limits.
However, if my kids were reading Shakespeare and came across a pun in “Hamlet,” I’d explain the humor rather than scold them. It wouldn’t be right to deny them a clever joke.
Situational Use of Language
I’m not overly concerned if my kids drop a swear word here and there. My husband, however, is. So, when I hear them let a curse slip, I often remind them, “Don’t let your dad catch you saying that; you know how he feels.” They’ve also learned that cursing in public isn’t acceptable. I’d be displeased if they shouted, “Oh, hell!” in the toy aisle at Target. They understand that there’s a time and place for such language.
In truth, you would rarely know my kids curse. They wouldn’t use those words around others, especially not in front of most adults.
Context Matters
Ultimately, the meaning of a word depends on its context. Most curse words are used as exclamations and have shifted far from their original meanings. However, words directed at people—like calling someone an “asshole” or a “bitch”—are offensive and unacceptable. My kids know that name-calling is not tolerated in our home.
As long as they don’t use curse words to insult others or refer to actual objects (I wouldn’t want them saying they fell on their ass, for example), I’m fine with the occasional slip-up. I’ll just chuckle and let it go. It’s important for them to understand the difference. If they didn’t, we’d have a discussion about appropriate language. That’s part of teaching them respect for others.
It’s worth the occasional “dammit!”
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Summary:
The author discusses her relaxed attitude toward her children’s occasional use of curse words, emphasizing that the meanings of these words have changed over time. While she sets boundaries on certain offensive terms, she allows her kids to express themselves in a controlled manner, teaching them context and respect for others. The importance of situational appropriateness is highlighted, as well as the distinction between casual swearing and derogatory language.