From time to time, I stumble upon social media posts or articles where parents lament about their family’s lack of participation in household chores. They often mention that they’ve succumbed to “rage cleaning.” The scenario typically involves a mom who has reached her breaking point with the mess in her teenager’s room or bathroom (or both) and decided to tackle the cleaning all by herself. “When will they learn?” she might ask, probably with a strained voice and a hint of exasperation in her eyes.
Now, while I believe this question is often rhetorical, if she were genuinely seeking advice, I would suggest they may never learn, especially if she continues to clean up after them. Kids will keep expecting their parents to handle their messes because, naturally, people gravitate towards a situation that benefits them—kids are no exception.
Sometimes, rage cleaning is simply an outlet for frustration, a mindless act of tidying up to relieve built-up stress. But when it stems from frustration with family members not lending a hand, that’s a different story altogether. Fellow parents, don’t put this burden on yourselves. There are options—assign chores to your children! Even young kids can manage age-appropriate tasks. No one person should bear the entire responsibility of maintaining a household when others are capable of helping out.
I’ve heard parents excuse their teens’ messy habits by claiming they’re “too busy” or “overwhelmed.” While I understand that kids may feel stretched thin, especially during a pandemic, they still need to contribute. Chores are essential life skills, similar to brushing teeth or tying shoes. Moreover, chores provide routine, something that is beneficial, especially during uncertain times.
I’ve experienced rage cleaning myself, mostly involving my own closet overflowing with clothes I hope to fit into again, or the mountain of Amazon boxes I’ve saved “for Christmas,” even when I know I only need a few. My own mess drives me to that point. However, when it comes to the rest of the house, I share the responsibility with my kids. Their rooms and bathroom? I leave those alone. I refuse to engage in rage cleaning for someone else’s mess, and no other parent should feel obligated to do so either.
When my kids were younger, we used a laminated chore chart on the fridge. No screen time until chores were completed. Now they understand the routine, and if they forget, I simply remind them from across the house. Sure, they’ve pushed back occasionally, but they quickly learn that they don’t enjoy the “you live here, you help” lecture that follows, so they usually jump up to tackle the tasks.
Chores are not up for negotiation. If you reside in a house, you contribute to its upkeep, plain and simple. As a single parent, I share my home with my kids, and while it’s small (thankfully), that doesn’t exempt them from pitching in. I expect them to clean, and as they’re now 14 and 10, I also expect them to do it well. I “inspect” their work in the bathroom, calling them back if they miss spots. I’ve even had to correct my son’s habit of drying pots upside down, ensuring he understands the right way to do it—because I refuse to let him enter adulthood without that knowledge.
I promise I’m not as strict as it sounds—I let minor things slide if the overall effort is there. I want my kids to know how to clean a house thoroughly before they become adults. I won’t allow them to slack off, which only leads to my frustration and the urge to “rage clean.”
Does this mean my house is spotless? Absolutely not! We have clutter, dust, and laundry that sometimes sits unfolded for a few days, just like any other family. But it does mean my home is usually presentable, and I’m not driven to the brink of rage cleaning. I hate seeing other parents feel burdened by the household chores, as if the cleaning responsibility lies solely on their shoulders.
If your family’s mess is making you feel overwhelmed, motivate them to pitch in! Create a list of tasks to make it less daunting for your novice helpers. Changing the WiFi password can be a great motivator. Nobody should feel compelled to rage clean due to family members who don’t contribute. Instead, let’s shift from rage cleaning to rage delegating. After all, we have to start somewhere, right?
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Summary:
Rage cleaning often stems from frustration with family members who don’t contribute to household chores. Parents should avoid taking on the entire cleaning burden and instead assign age-appropriate tasks to their kids. Establishing routines and expectations can help create a shared responsibility for maintaining a clean home. While perfection isn’t the goal, fostering a sense of teamwork among family members can lead to a more manageable and less stressful living environment.