When I began my own family with my former partner, we reached a mutual decision that I would take on the role of stay-at-home parent while he pursued his business ambitions. I felt fortunate, especially after witnessing many colleagues struggle while juggling work and motherhood. I remember a close friend who once brought her young child to the office, facing the possibility of being fired for doing so. She felt trapped between calling in sick—something that could lead to her dismissal—or finding a way to manage her childcare issues, especially since her husband worked unpredictable hours as a firefighter.
The women I knew were open about their struggles and never pretended to have it all figured out. Despite their efforts, they often felt overwhelmed and guilty. As I embraced my role at home, I soon discovered that I was working harder than ever before. If I had been balancing a job on top of all my responsibilities, I would have been utterly exhausted.
During those years, I felt a disconnect with my husband. I vividly remember asking him to help with simple tasks, like changing a light bulb, only to be met with irritation. By the time he returned home, he was spent and had little energy left for family life. He had forgotten how to navigate the grocery store and left the cooking entirely to me. As he focused on his career, I took on the entirety of household duties: cooking, cleaning, managing the kids’ appointments, carpooling, and handling our social engagements. This was not an isolated experience; many mothers shared similar stories. One friend even recounted how, upon returning to work herself, her husband told her to just accept the mess and learn to let things go.
The reality is that the traditional 40-hour workweek was designed during a time when men were the primary breadwinners and women managed the home. Although societal views on women in the workforce have evolved, the expectations surrounding domestic responsibilities haven’t kept pace. It’s unrealistic to expect mothers to excel at work, come home, and manage all household tasks alone. This scenario is akin to juggling three full-time jobs, which ideally requires three people, not one.
Many mothers feel inadequate if they return home from work without the energy to prepare a gourmet meal, keep the house spotless, spend quality time with their children, and care for their own well-being and relationships. One commenter on social media pointed out that while it may be too late for some, we need to ensure future generations of daughters don’t fall into the trap of trying to do everything. Another voice echoed this sentiment, questioning why women often feel like failures when household tasks go unfulfilled, while men seem less burdened by these expectations.
In my own experience, my ex-husband never expressed feeling like a failure for not contributing more at home. It wasn’t until he took on a greater share of parenting after our separation that he began to understand the challenges I faced.
So, let’s stop berating ourselves for having a messy house or not cooking dinner every night. Social media can create unrealistic comparisons that make us feel like we’re falling short, but remember—everyone has their struggles. It’s perfectly acceptable to ask for help, set boundaries, and adjust your expectations. After all, what truly matters is not a spotless home but a happy, balanced family life.
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In summary, the traditional workweek fails to accommodate the realities of motherhood, leaving many women feeling overwhelmed. It’s essential to recognize that no one can do it all and that asking for help is both necessary and acceptable.