Last year marked the beginning of my personal journey toward better self-care. After welcoming my second child, I found myself feeling exhausted and depleted. I stumbled upon an online fitness program boasting an extensive library of workout videos, each promising a transformation into a stronger, happier, and healthier version of myself. With renewed enthusiasm, I thought this would be the ideal way to prioritize self-care in my postpartum life.
I was convinced that shedding a few pounds was the key to my well-being, believing that this physical change would reignite my inner spark. My plan was to rise early before my boys woke up and tackle a quick, intense workout. I hoped this new routine would help me regain control over my life.
This seemed like a reasonable approach, especially since I had been extra cautious due to past struggles with disordered eating during my college years. I focused on eating “healthy” — perhaps too healthy. I frequently restricted my food intake, counted calories, and spent countless hours at the gym. When my diet or exercise didn’t align with my lofty expectations, I felt overwhelmed.
I thought that was what it meant to be healthy until my life began to unravel. Anxiety consumed me, and I would oscillate between feeling numb and overwhelmed with emotions. Simple decisions became monumental tasks, and I often found myself lashing out at those I loved most. Realizing I was out of control, I sought counseling.
In my first round of therapy for disordered eating, I learned the shocking truth: dieting isn’t necessary. This realization was liberating and transformed my life. I stopped counting calories, skipping meals, and relying on “replacement” smoothies. Instead, I began to listen to my body, eating when hungry and stopping when satisfied.
Much of this insight came from the book Intuitive Eating by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole, which provides compelling evidence against dieting’s harmful effects. Although the change was gradual and sometimes uncomfortable, I freed myself from the vicious cycle of dieting and binge eating. While my desire to be smaller didn’t vanish completely, it no longer dominated my life, allowing me to embrace my existence once more.
As time went on, I married a wonderful partner, pursued a demanding nursing career, and became a mother to two lively boys. Although motherhood has been a joyous journey, it has also come with its fair share of challenges. After my second child’s birth, I found myself feeling increasingly down and desperate to feel better. Determined to redefine what “healthy” meant in this new chapter, I turned to the online exercise program.
Months passed, yet I didn’t see the results I hoped for. I didn’t lose weight or feel any better. Exercising in the early mornings proved to be a struggle. On the rare occasions I found the time and energy, the workouts left me feeling judged and frustrated by the seemingly perfect trainers. Instead of feeling accomplished, I felt exhausted, overwhelmed, and like a complete failure.
My attempts at self-care had backfired. So, I returned to counseling for disordered eating. While I had avoided harmful behaviors like excessive exercise and bingeing, I was surprised to discover that I still clung to dieting myths, such as “Everything will improve when you lose weight” and “If you just try hard enough, you can achieve perfection.” This pressure infiltrated every aspect of my life.
Not only did I feel the need to maintain a perfect size, but I also aimed to be the ideal mother, wife, friend, and daughter. The realization that I was burdening myself with these expectations was eye-opening. Author and shame researcher Brené Brown states in her book Daring Greatly, “If we want children who love and accept who they are, our job is to love and accept who we are.” This insight inspired me to recognize that the change I needed wasn’t about my weight.
Now, I’m on a journey to love and accept myself. I continue to work with my counselor, focusing on embodiment, mindfulness, and body image to dismantle the lies perpetuated by society and my past eating disorders. I’ve come to understand that being skinny isn’t a prerequisite for enjoying life or self-acceptance. In fact, my previous weight-loss obsession harmed my health and well-being.
I now prioritize caring for my body, not to fit a specific image, but out of respect for it. I’ve begun engaging in activities I genuinely enjoy, such as hiking, yoga, and kickboxing. My postpartum body is strong and capable, allowing me to play with my boys and climb breathtaking mountains. This is my true practice of self-care.
Just yesterday, I canceled my online subscription. My year-long journey of self-care didn’t unfold as I had envisioned. I may not have lost weight, but I uncovered a beautiful, capable body. A year later, I can confidently say I’ve transformed into a stronger, happier, and healthier version of myself.
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Summary:
In my journey toward self-care after having my second child, I discovered that genuine self-care isn’t about losing weight. Instead, it involves listening to my body, engaging in enjoyable activities, and letting go of harmful dieting beliefs. Through counseling and self-acceptance, I learned to prioritize my well-being without the pressure of societal standards.