This past week, I took a break from my home office to tackle a few errands at Trader Joe’s and Target, hoping to avoid the usual crowds. With my headphones in and a conference call playing in my ears, I ventured out. Working from home full-time has meant that everyone expects me to be available for calls from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m., especially while my kids are at daycare for 8-9 hours each day. As someone who’s germophobic and anxious about crowds, I chose to go during off-peak hours to grab a Christmas ham, holiday chocolates for teachers, breakfast items for Christmas morning, and the only yogurt my son will eat.
After parking, I masked up and prepared to face the line at Trader Joe’s, only to be met with a queue that stretched to the end of the strip mall. The sheer number of people made me retreat to my car like a frightened cat. Determined to check something off my to-do list before my next call at 2:30 p.m., I drove to Target to pick up an online diaper order through their Drive Up service. After a tense encounter with a driver who cut me off, I finally found a parking spot, but realized I was in line behind at least ten other cars.
Twenty minutes later, tangled in my headphones and mask, I finally yelled to the attendant, “Those are my diapers!” and claimed my prize. But it was just the tipping point.
On my way home, I tuned into a heated discussion about contract negotiations while feeling the weight of my responsibilities. I decided to stop at the nearby strip mall to mail a stack of Christmas cards. Despite my efforts, the mailbox was jammed and overflowing. Frustrated, I returned to my car, cards still clutched tightly in my hand, and tossed them onto the floor. In that moment, I felt completely defeated.
Once again, I found myself grappling with the demands of both work and parenting during these challenging times. I’m either distracted by my child’s Zoom class when daycare shuts down due to a COVID scare or feeling guilty for relying on daycare during a pandemic so I can keep up with my demanding job. And let’s not even talk about the chaos surrounding my son’s kindergarten homework.
Emails from HR reminding me to prioritize self-care or try meditation pop up regularly, but they feel hollow and frustrating. As my calendar fills with back-to-back meetings, I watch my precious hour of free time vanish—the time I could have spent creating holiday magic or enjoying a walk in the sunshine.
Let me just add meditation to my to-do list:
- Organize six weeks of Zoom worksheets and STEM homework
- Write Santa lists for the kids and tape them to the fireplace
- Order gifts for my husband’s family
- Decide if I should send the kids back to daycare after a COVID scare
- Purchase gift cards and chocolates for the daycare teachers
- Remember to stay composed during video calls
- Buy gifts for the shelter sponsored by daycare
- Purchase gifts for the senior living center from my son’s class
- MEDITATE/SELF CARE
- Send $20 via Venmo for the kindergarten teacher’s gift
- Find and print holiday recipes
- Order new leggings for my Peloton rides
Honestly, this is absurd.
We’ve all seen the articles—women are expected to juggle demanding careers, ideal parenting, and physical fitness while maintaining holiday traditions and meal prep, all under the pressure of a public health crisis. We are supposed to manage this with a smile, keeping our emotions in check at work and our tempers at home while still striving for promotions. It’s simply unrealistic.
Many women are leaving the workforce, and it’s clear why. The systems in place aren’t designed for our success. Something needs to change. We can’t do it all, be it all, or provide everything for everyone all the time. That expectation is a fantasy, and I’m done with it.
This article was originally published on Dec. 21, 2020.
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Summary:
The article discusses the overwhelming challenges faced by working mothers during the holiday season, particularly in light of the COVID-19 pandemic. It highlights the pressures of juggling work responsibilities, parenting, and holiday preparations while dealing with feelings of inadequacy and frustration over societal expectations. The author calls for a reevaluation of these unrealistic demands and acknowledges the necessity for systemic change to support working mothers.