I am completely worn out. I understand I’m not alone, and while I anticipated the challenges of motherhood, juggling the demands of being a new mom during the COVID-19 pandemic while teaching high school full-time is a whole new struggle. Typically, I manage my stress and anxiety quite well, but this year is anything but typical.
My first emotional breakdown hit in August, just as teachers were returning to school. A few days into the term, I noticed my 4-month-old son was a little congested. Despite him being otherwise fine—eating well, with no fever—I started to panic. In a normal year, I would have brushed it off as a typical daycare cold, but nothing about 2020 is normal. I wrestled with indecision while he merrily played, and ultimately decided to send him to daycare while I went to work.
Then, I received a text from a friend whose child is in my son’s class. She informed me that her entire household was unwell and that they were getting tested for strep and COVID. Suddenly, my heart raced with fear. I felt guilty for not trusting my instincts and keeping my son home. I called my husband, tears streaming down my face, and we decided it was best for me to pick our son up and consult his pediatrician.
The drive from school was filled with sobs as I grappled with the weight of my worries. I am not one to cry easily, but this year has pushed me to my emotional limits. Fortunately, my son was fine, and my friend’s family tested negative, but that didn’t lessen the anxiety I felt.
My second emotional crisis came just before Halloween when my son’s teacher tested positive for COVID-19. His class was quarantined for two weeks, and the daycare closed for a week. Unfortunately, my school district required me to continue teaching in-person, despite my household being affected. My husband had to juggle working from home while caring for our son, and I took sick days to help out when he had meetings. We were both stressed, but thankfully tested negative. Even so, it felt like a never-ending cycle of worry.
Deciding to continue with daycare and full-time teaching was a tough choice for us. I had recently earned my master’s degree and renewed my AP Literature certification—walking away would mean losing so much. We agreed to take every precaution, trusting in the safety measures implemented at my son’s daycare. Yet, I question our decisions daily.
This is the reality of being a new parent in today’s world. What others may dismiss as paranoia, I cannot afford to overlook. The meltdowns stem from the immense difficulty of parenting in a pandemic where many choose to ignore the seriousness of the situation.
I have typically maintained a level-headed demeanor, but the stress this year has been overwhelming. My son is now seven months old, still in daycare, and I continue teaching. Masks are a part of our daily lives, with all of us—teachers, students, and family—taking precautions. I do everything possible to keep my family safe, but each day I question if it’s enough.
It feels isolating, like I’m on a deserted island while others swim around, oblivious to the dangers lurking beneath. They know the risks but seem to hope they won’t be affected. I’m not concerned with the odds; my primary focus is my son’s health. If that means strained family ties or breaking down over a simple sniffle, so be it.
What I can’t manage is this isolation. I need support and understanding from those around me. I wish that those skeptical about the pandemic would have empathy and take the necessary precautions. Ignoring the reality of this crisis only deepens my anxiety. I’m exhausted from feeling like I’m shouting into the void, pleading for awareness of the dangers we face.
I’m just so incredibly tired.
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Summary
This article reflects the challenges faced by a new mother who is teaching in-person during the COVID-19 pandemic. It explores her emotional struggles, the impact of the pandemic on parenting, and the daily fears associated with balancing work and family health. The author highlights the need for support and understanding from society as many continue to navigate this unprecedented time.
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