In this week’s advice column, we tackle the all-too-common dilemma of balancing work and parenting responsibilities. What should you do when your partner feels entitled to skip out on parenting duties simply because they have a demanding job?
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
I work part-time from home, a situation that hasn’t changed even with the pandemic. My partner, Alex, has a full-time office job which he’s been doing remotely since March. His job is quite intense, and he puts in a full day every day. While my work also requires focus, I only log half the hours he does. Alex believes that when our kids—who are four and two—need something during the day, it’s solely my responsibility to attend to them. He argues that since I work fewer hours and am home all the time, nothing’s different.
Even though that’s somewhat accurate, it feels strange that he completely ignores a crying or hungry child while working from our den, which offers little privacy. When I’m working, I have to handle the kids’ needs with little to no help from him. Am I wrong to think he should contribute more? I know his work-from-home situation won’t last forever, but it’s really frustrating me.
You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. Many women have voiced similar frustrations over the past year. It’s important to recognize that your partner’s perspective is not acceptable.
While this past year has thrown us all into a challenging mix of working from home and parenting, it hasn’t removed anyone’s responsibilities. If anything, it has only added to our stress. The fact that Alex believes he’s the only one facing a challenge needs to be addressed.
It doesn’t matter if he works 12 hours a day or if he’s doing something incredibly important from the den. He chose to be a parent, and regardless of how many hours he puts in, he also has responsibilities to the children. He can’t simply switch off being a parent when he starts working. When he’s at home, he should be able to take a moment to attend to his kids’ needs instead of just being a “corporate cog.”
We are all trying our best during these unprecedented times. Some employers understand the unique pressures we face, while others insist that everything should run “business as usual.” If this is part of the issue for Alex, then that’s tough. But he still knows he is responsible for parenting, and he needs to fulfill that role while working from home.
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Summary:
The dilemma of balancing work and parenting responsibilities is a common one, particularly during remote work scenarios. It’s crucial for partners to share parenting duties, regardless of their work commitments. Open communication about expectations and responsibilities can help alleviate frustration and ensure that both partners are engaged in their children’s upbringing.