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This week: How do you deal with ongoing criticism of your children’s screen time habits, especially when it comes from their grandparents?
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
My in-laws live nearby and have been quite involved with our children while my partner and I have been juggling work during the pandemic. I truly appreciate their support and the fact that they can be part of our lives, but I’m getting really frustrated with how much my mother-in-law, in particular, criticizes our kids’ screen time. Our children, aged 6 and 3, enjoy using their Kindles for games and movies. We don’t have a strict limit on their tablet use, and my mother-in-law constantly guilt-trips us, insisting they should be “busy” during their downtime to avoid being lazy or “frying their brains.” It drives her insane when they happily play on the couch instead of engaging in whatever activity she deems appropriate. Are we bad parents for allowing our kids unfettered screen time? They’re not glued to the screens, but I’m starting to question if my mother-in-law needs to ease up.
Here’s the good news: We’re in a pandemic, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about anything that isn’t genuinely harmful to your kids. If your family is making it through this challenging time without causing harm to one another or others, you’re doing wonderfully.
Now, let me share a perspective that might be seen as “controversial” by some: the excessive concern about how long children spend in front of screens is largely unnecessary.
To clarify, I do believe in parental controls, staying informed about the content your kids are engaging with, and I don’t support giving children their own smartphones. Additionally, I think kids should explore hobbies and interests that don’t involve screens. However, I have no concerns about children spending an hour playing puzzles, watching educational shows, or even laughing at silly videos.
Consider why you might binge-watch a series on Netflix. It’s relaxing, enjoyable, and a means to unwind. Kids also need their own version of that escape, especially in times like these. Why is it acceptable for adults to take a breather but we fret over kids doing the same?
It seems your mother-in-law’s obsession with keeping them “busy” stems from her own issues. I know people who grew up always being pushed to stay active and now struggle to simply relax at home without feeling guilty. This cycle is sad.
Those who feel the need to constantly fill their time with activities likely do so as a response to their own past experiences. Regardless of where your mother-in-law’s feelings originate, she’s projecting those anxieties onto your kids, and that’s not fair.
You should explain to her that your children are not lacking in brain development or interests just because they enjoy unwinding with technology. This generation of kids is growing up in a digital world, and as long as they’re getting fresh air between episodes and engaged in other fun activities, they’re perfectly fine. It’s crucial, especially now, to allow them to recharge in whatever way they need.
I hope that after a candid discussion, your mother-in-law can either understand your perspective better or at least choose to keep her opinions to herself moving forward. Sure, free childcare comes with its own set of challenges, but your kids shouldn’t have to bear the weight of her issues.
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Summary:
Navigating criticism from in-laws about children’s screen time can be challenging, especially during the pandemic. It’s important to recognize that allowing kids to enjoy some downtime on screens is not inherently harmful. While maintaining some control over content, parents should feel empowered to let their children unwind as needed. Open communication with family members about these choices may help alleviate tension, ensuring that kids can recharge without undue pressure.