I recently shared a blog post about how I battled anxiety throughout Christmas Day. There wasn’t a specific trigger; I simply woke up feeling anxious, and that feeling lingered as I watched my partner and our three kids joyfully unwrap their gifts, laughing and relishing one of the most cherished days of the year.
Honestly, I had sensed this coming. The month prior, my partner had been hospitalized for three weeks, and during that time, I was constantly on the go. I didn’t have the chance to process my feelings or experience the anxiety that was building up inside me. Typically, those emotions surface after life settles down, but I had hoped they would manifest before or after the holiday instead of during it.
But, alas, that wasn’t the case.
I put on a brave face, determined not to spoil the day for my family. I didn’t want my anxiety to overshadow their joy, so I opened my gifts and acted as if everything was normal. Yet, deep down, I felt disconnected, trapped in my anxiety, striving to be strong for my kids.
It turns out, many people experience anxiety during the holidays. After my blog post, I received numerous messages, but one stood out. A mother reached out to thank me, explaining how my story helped her understand her daughter’s struggles with anxiety. Together, they established a “safe” word that the daughter could text her mother whenever she needed to exit a situation.
As someone who has dealt with anxiety for years, I found myself wondering why I had never considered this approach. While many parents instruct their teens to text them an “X” if they need an escape from an uncomfortable social event, I had never thought to apply this strategy to my own anxiety.
For much of my life, I’ve tried to push through anxiety, wearing a mask of happiness even when I felt anything but. I often felt societal pressure to keep pretending everything was fine, opting for vague excuses like “I’m tired” or “I have a lot on my mind” instead of articulating my anxiety, which is hard to explain and often invites judgment. Especially during the holidays, it’s easy for someone to question, “Why would you feel anxious? It’s Christmas!”
Having a safe word, something I could text my partner, would simplify the process of stepping away. It could signal that I needed to take a moment alone or perhaps step outside for some fresh air. This simple solution allows me to exit without creating awkwardness or confusion for my partner about my sudden disappearance. It would empower me to manage my anxiety more effectively using the mental health strategies I’ve learned in therapy.
This concept extends beyond social gatherings. While current COVID restrictions limit social interactions, there will be opportunities again soon.
If you know someone in your family—be it a spouse or child—who grapples with anxiety, consider establishing a similar system with them. I believe they will appreciate it more than you realize. It provides them with the freedom to step away when feeling anxious, regroup, and return with a clearer mindset. Most importantly, it communicates that you understand their mental health struggles and are there to support them without judgment. As someone who has faced mental health challenges for a long time, I can assure you that this is one of the most meaningful gifts you can offer.
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Summary
Establishing a safe word can be a powerful tool for family members dealing with anxiety. It provides a simple way for loved ones to communicate their need for space without feeling judged or misunderstood. This approach underscores the importance of understanding and supporting those who struggle with mental health issues, particularly during stressful times like the holidays.