My spouse and I have been engaged in what we fondly refer to as the “Adolescence” game with our kids, aged 12, 14, and 16. It’s a long, relentless game, and as someone with a competitive streak, I’m determined to come out on top.
I’ve embraced the role of the worn-out mom for years now, but beneath that façade lies a keen observer and a strategic mastermind, thanks to a knack for intuition inherited from my mother. My partner takes on the role of the serious and responsible father—creative role-play isn’t really his thing.
In this game, every win counts, whether minor or significant. For instance, a small victory might be when a parent is easily tricked, like when my sly teen announced she was heading to bed early, citing fatigue from a tough day at school. Little did I know, she was actually online at midnight changing her profile picture. That was a clear reminder that I need to sharpen my parenting skills.
However, it was crucial for my husband and me to claim a major win to regain some authority in our household. So, I put on my detective hat and began piecing together clues. I stumbled upon an incident we shall not laugh about—but of course, we did. Yes, another point for the kids.
My first clue appeared when I returned home to a spotless house. The dishes were done, the living room was clean, and the countertops were visible. In a household with teens, a tidy home often means someone’s seeking praise. When no one stepped forward to take credit, my investigative instincts kicked in. I felt like I was on the verge of a strategic triumph.
The second clue came shortly after. One of the kids complimented the simple black fleece I wore to work. “Fake praise,” I thought, because we all know fleece is about comfort, not style. Then, another child innocently asked, “How was your day, mom?” Rookie mistake! No kid asks about their parent’s workday before inquiring about snacks or dinner.
After a few days of watching and waiting, the final clue revealed itself: my ficus plant had been moved a few inches from its usual spot, no longer catching the light as it should. While my teens were clearly becoming more skilled at their maneuvers, I sensed a substantial win was near, reminiscent of those nights in Vegas when you think you’ve outsmarted the slot machine.
I gathered my cunning children at the kitchen table, sizing them up like a detective assessing suspects. “There’s a gaping hole in the wall behind the ficus,” I announced with a dramatic sigh and raised eyebrows. Their rehearsed responses came fast: “Huh? What? Wow.”
“Indeed, it appears the plant was shifted to conceal a hole in the wall. Care to explain how it got there?” I raised my eyebrows menacingly.
Once again, I was met with a chorus of denials. It felt like I was being schooled by my kids, whose combined ages were still less than mine. The one zooming around on an electric skateboard wasn’t about to admit that the wall had interfered with their fun. They exchanged glances, avoiding my gaze and protecting one another like a group of fugitives. I found myself cornered, and they had me in a tough spot.
In that moment, I realized the subtle game they were playing: secrecy, asserting their independence, and trying to undermine parental authority. This was all part of the adolescent experience, and their tactics were right out of the parenting manuals I had read long ago.
Eventually, I figured out who was responsible for the hole in the wall, simply by being an observant parent. But instead of resorting to my usual “I told you so,” I surprised everyone by promising not to be angry and expressing admiration for the cleverness employed to cover up what was undoubtedly an accident. That was a big win for mom.
My spouse and I often question whether we’re doing this parenting thing right since there were no instruction manuals included. Our victories remind us we’re on the right path, while our losses highlight how much we still have to learn. For now, we’re not ready for the next level—we’re thoroughly enjoying the intense competition with our teens.
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Summary:
In this humorous reflection on parenting, Jamie Collins shares her competitive journey through the challenges of raising teenagers. By keenly observing her children’s behavior and employing clever tactics, she navigates the ups and downs of adolescence, ultimately aiming for victories that reinforce her authority and understanding as a parent.