Since my divorce about four years ago, I’ve gained more insights into myself and life than I did during my first 41 years. I had been with the same partner for nearly 20 years and hadn’t worked outside the home for almost 14. My comfortable life was instantly altered by a single conversation.
I can vividly recall the paralyzing fear I felt the night my ex-partner and I decided to part ways. The prospect of not seeing my children daily, achieving financial independence, and becoming the sole adult in the house was incredibly daunting. It seemed impossible.
In that moment, he said to me, “You’ll find some professional who will look after you.” That’s when I realized: I didn’t want someone else to handle my life for me. I yearned to take control on my own, despite the voice in my head warning me I might not succeed.
I had to learn to work, care for my kids alone, adapt to a new living situation, and all the while process the fact that my marriage was over. Those emotions alone can take you on a tumultuous journey. And let’s be honest, seeking someone to fill the void left by your partner isn’t how it works. It may seem easier, but you know what feels much more empowering? Taking charge and doing it on your own.
That said, it’s important to remember that you won’t have everything figured out immediately. The divorce process is just that—a process. It requires time and is often challenging. You’ll need to learn to ask for assistance and discover new ways of navigating life.
But you can—and you will—get through this. It’s entirely possible, and you are more than capable. Start by making a list of priorities, but don’t try to tackle them all at once. Trust me when I say (as someone who’s been there and tried to resolve everything overnight) that the key is to take small, manageable steps.
Get out of bed and focus on the next single thing you need or want to do. Just that. Don’t attempt to plan your entire day, and definitely don’t stress about the upcoming year. Concentrate on the immediate task, whether it’s something minor like taking a shower or something more significant like searching for a job.
Avoid the trap of sitting at your computer, stressing over your resume while worrying about how to face dating again. Don’t let thoughts of how this will affect your children’s well-being hinder your search for a new home. This is tough, I know, but your mind won’t be able to handle all the “what ifs,” and you could easily spiral into anxiety. We aren’t built to manage so many variables that we have little control over in real life.
Listen to me: focus on one thing at a time.
Prioritize self-care. It’s a known fact: you cannot support others if you’re running on empty. This is not the moment to neglect your needs. Yes, it’s a transition and tough on the family, but neglecting yourself will only complicate matters further. You need to prioritize your well-being now more than ever.
Take a moment to connect with a friend, ask for assistance, seek therapy, treat yourself to something uplifting, or prepare your favorite meal. Even if you lack the motivation to do these things, aim to accomplish just one small act, and watch how your mood improves as you take positive action. One good deed often leads to another.
After my ex left, I compelled myself to buy new bedding to help improve my sleep. It worked; as I started sleeping better, I began feeling a little brighter each day.
Above all, remember that even though this may be the toughest experience you’ve faced, you can endure it, and there are people around you who want to support you. Embrace their help.
There will be tears, setbacks, and challenging days ahead. It’s perfectly okay to not feel okay, to make mistakes, and to learn along the way. Be gentle with yourself; the process is hard enough without adding self-criticism.
My divorce taught me just how much I can rely on myself. It was a long journey, and I still have days when I feel down and miss my previous life. That’s my reality, and it may differ from yours. However, I know that regardless of what arises, I can manage it because I’ve proven it to myself.
And so can you. I promise.
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Summary:
This article offers support and guidance for mothers who are blindsided by divorce, emphasizing the importance of taking small steps to manage the transition. It encourages self-care, asking for help, and focusing on one task at a time. The author shares personal experiences to illustrate resilience and the ability to navigate through difficult times.