When my son, Alex, entered high school, he became intrigued by a group of boys known for their troublemaking ways. This was a stark contrast from the friends he had during elementary and middle school. Instead of engaging in sports and movie outings, Alex found himself involved in fights, smoking marijuana in front of the school early in the morning, and being disrespectful towards me.
Although Alex didn’t hang out with most of these boys outside of school—because they were too young to drive and I was deemed too strict and embarrassing—he did have one friend, Jake, with whom he spent time. Initially, their friendship appeared healthy; they enjoyed skiing together, and Jake was welcome in our home, which gave me some peace of mind.
However, things quickly took a turn when they were caught smoking pot in my basement. This incident escalated when they were caught in various places, including at school. Alex’s academic performance plummeted, and he became more aggressive and lost interest in activities he once loved, like biking and skiing.
The situation worsened when Alex and Jake were caught filming a teacher and posting it on social media. By the end of his freshman year, Alex had been suspended twice in just months. Despite all this, I didn’t immediately insist he cut ties with Jake. I recognized that I couldn’t control their relationship entirely, as they still interacted at school. I also understood that Alex wasn’t blameless; he was still responsible for his actions.
I needed to guide him through this challenging period. I wanted to equip Alex with the skills to handle negative influences throughout his life. We had numerous discussions about making choices independent of his friends’ actions. I emphasized that he didn’t have to conform to be liked and that if something felt wrong, he should stop.
As time went on, I noticed a significant change in Alex’s demeanor; he became anxious, destructive, and depressed. Despite wanting to hang out with Jake, their meet-ups only led to trouble. After observing Jake’s social media posts, which revealed his own struggles with life and school, I realized I had to intervene.
One Saturday, I spoke with Jake’s mother, who was curious if Alex could come over to hang out. I candidly expressed my concerns, stating that I didn’t believe they were a positive influence on one another at that time. Alex was on the verge of expulsion with another suspension looming, and he needed support.
After our conversation, while they maintained some communication, they stopped spending time together. This change led to a noticeable improvement in Alex; he stopped fighting and, thankfully, completed the school year without further incidents.
My daughter, Sam, recently faced a similar dilemma. She had a friend who brought marijuana to her dad’s house, and they were caught smoking. I also discovered that Sam was struggling with self-harm as a way to cope with anxiety. After speaking with her friend’s mother, I learned that her daughter was also dealing with similar issues, which made me question whether they were influencing each other negatively.
Once again, I found myself needing to distance my daughter from this friend—not out of blame, but because their relationship wasn’t healthy for either of them at this moment, and protecting Sam’s mental health was my priority. Yes, she was upset with me, but as a parent, it’s crucial to make tough decisions for the wellbeing of our children.
I’ve explained to both of my kids that this isn’t a punishment; it’s me supporting them. I want them to understand the value of recognizing and removing harmful influences from their lives, so they can do it on their own in the future. While I cannot control all of their friendships, it is my responsibility to intervene when I see them heading down a dark path.
When they are young and under our roof, it’s not just our right but our duty to step in and protect them from unhealthy situations, regardless of their feelings about it.
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Summary:
Navigating the complexities of teenage friendships can be challenging, especially when a child is influenced by negative peers. This article examines the experience of a parent who faced the difficult decision of separating their teen from a friend who led them down a troubling path. Through open communication and guidance, the parent aimed to equip their child with the skills to make better choices and recognize harmful influences in the future.