Around Halloween, I found myself weighing around 220 lbs and wearing a size 2X. No one had informed me that the medication I was taking for my bipolar disorder, Lithium, could lead to significant weight gain. My health had deteriorated to the point where I was on the verge of becoming diabetic, and my skin resembled that of a teenager dealing with acne breakouts. After discussing my concerns with my doctor, I was switched to a different medication, and I began to lose weight almost immediately. This weight loss was not a result of my own effort; it simply happened. After years of failed diets, exercise routines, and even an obsession with healthy eating, I found this sudden change intoxicating.
I was also on several other medications, some of which suppressed my appetite. Gradually, I realized that if I just avoided food altogether, my weight loss became even more pronounced. At first, I would skip lunch when my kids ate, opting for a drink instead. Then, I started skipping breakfast and often avoided dinner as well. I managed to go 24 hours without eating, then 48, and sometimes even 72. I learned to eat just enough to avoid fainting, keeping a close eye on my blood sugar levels.
No One Seemed Concerned
My weight loss was rapid—over 13.5 lbs each month. From October 31st to June 1st, I halved my weight, going from 220 lbs to 110 lbs. I could fit into clothes from my pre-baby days, and even my college outfits. I was back to the weight I had during my senior year of high school, although my post-baby belly remained. My feet shrank back to their original size.
By March, as I approached weights of 150 and 160 lbs, comments from friends started pouring in. “You look fantastic!” they would say, and I would force a smile, all the while thinking, if only you knew the truth behind my weight loss. Deep down, I recognized that my eating patterns were disordered, yet I didn’t care.
Men would often stumble over their words, saying things like, “I don’t know how to say this, but you look really good.” I would blink and offer a smile, trying to appear composed.
No One Made the Connection
I attempted to dye my hair, but it became so brittle from the lack of nutrients that it started falling out, leading to bald patches. During a visit from some of my mother’s friends, they congratulated me on my weight loss, oblivious to the reality of my situation. One of them even speculated whether my hair loss was due to my rapid weight loss. “Maybe,” I replied nonchalantly. Hair loss is a common symptom of anorexia, yet they continued to praise my appearance, telling me how great I looked.
My husband referred to my behavior as “intermittent fasting,” which he claimed was a popular trend. I was, in fact, using it as a means to lose weight, though I didn’t fully realize it at the time.
Only One Person Expressed Concern
My friend Sarah was the only one who voiced concern. After seeing a picture of me taken in mid-May, she reached out, asking, “Are you okay? You’ve lost a lot of weight.” I appreciated her question, as it was the first instance where someone had truly acknowledged my situation. Later, my mother-in-law hinted at her worries, and my bosses at work noticed my dramatic weight loss and offered me time off. They were genuinely concerned, and I felt grateful for their support.
My psychiatrist mentioned my weight loss, but I had to reveal the truth behind it before she suggested any unhealthy possibilities. My male doctor began to congratulate me before I interrupted him with the reality of my situation.
My Weight Loss Was Labeled “Atypical Anorexia”
The term “atypical anorexia” is misleading, as anorexia can affect individuals regardless of their size or weight. Just as someone can eat healthily while being a size two, they can also starve themselves at size 2X. Both underweight and overweight individuals deserve the same understanding and treatment. Unfortunately, misconceptions about atypical anorexia persist. The diagnosis is based on unhealthy eating patterns, not on age or weight.
People often view weight loss through a moral lens, associating thinness with self-control and virtue, while fatness is unjustly labeled as a sign of laziness or lack of discipline. When I lost weight, I was seen as a success story, despite the fact that it meant not eating.
Changing the Narrative Around Weight Loss
If someone is losing weight, it’s crucial not to assume it’s intentional. Instead of congratulating them, it’s more compassionate to ask if they are okay. “Are you okay?” should be the first question posed to anyone experiencing significant weight loss, as it opens the door for genuine conversation. The societal obsession with thinness and disdain for fatness can have severe consequences, as I learned firsthand.
I am thankful for those who recognized my weight loss for what it truly was and for those who cared enough to ask. I urge others to challenge their beliefs about body image and to approach discussions around weight loss with sensitivity and understanding.
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Summary:
In this reflection, I share my experience of losing a significant amount of weight while struggling with an eating disorder. Despite receiving praise for my weight loss, few noticed the unhealthy behaviors that accompanied it. This narrative highlights the importance of recognizing the complexities of weight loss and the need for compassionate inquiries rather than congratulatory remarks.