Last week, I received multiple reminder notifications about the report cards for my three oldest children. A few days later, reminders about unread messages regarding those report cards popped up in my inbox. Eventually, I retrieved the passwords for their accounts and took a look.
As per usual, I skimmed right past the grades and percentages, heading straight for the teacher comments. To me, the letter grades are far less significant than what the teachers observe about my kids. Numbers can feel impersonal and only reveal a fraction of the whole story. It’s the comments that truly resonate with me as a parent.
Is my child kind, respectful, and actively engaged in learning? I want to know how they are developing as individuals. If they happen to have a C in math, that’s alright, but if they’re a fantastic listener and participant, I consider that a triumph. Honor roll? Not a priority for me. I teach my kids to strive for their personal best, not to chase accolades at the expense of their well-being. Moreover, the pursuit of top grades often overlooks the challenges faced by those without the same resources.
I vividly recall one of my child’s kindergarten teachers noting on the report card that my child is inclusive and kind. That year, the classroom was especially crowded, with several students joining from special education. One of those children communicated through a tablet. How was my child treating peers with special needs?
While skills like name writing, sight word recognition, and basic math are essential, they pale in comparison to how my child treats others and respects themselves. The social and emotional aspects of education are my top priority. A child who enjoys school will naturally be motivated to excel academically.
Another child received feedback stating they consistently arrive at school with a positive attitude. Every parent knows that mindset is crucial. If a child’s outlook is off, learning becomes a struggle. I knew my child left for school feeling happy and eager, but hearing that this attitude carried on throughout the day was incredibly reassuring.
One day, I received an email from another child’s teacher. A little girl was upset about her mother’s surgery and was sitting on the floor crying. My child approached her, wrapped an arm around her, and cried with her. That means so much more to me than just academic performance.
As a former educator, I value my children’s love for learning and their enjoyment of school. Enjoying school doesn’t necessitate straight A’s, perfect attendance, or numerous awards. If those come along, wonderful! However, fostering a passion for learning will serve them throughout their lives and in various situations. Curiosity and creativity are invaluable for both intellectual growth and personal happiness.
I also recognize that how my children interact with others reflects their own character. We’ve all heard that “hurt people hurt people,” and similarly, kindness, curiosity, and respect can inspire those qualities in others. When my children choose to open their hearts and minds to others, it shows they are experiencing love, joy, and a sense of wonder—creating a beautiful cycle.
I refuse to become a grade-obsessed parent, as grades are just one aspect of a multifaceted picture. Our children are far more than a letter or a percentage. I won’t hyperfocus on these metrics when my child’s overall physical, mental, and emotional health are more critical. The pandemic has highlighted this truth—if our kids don’t feel secure and supported, how can we expect them to learn effectively?
I’m acutely aware of the biases that exist in education. Research shows that children of color and those with special needs often face disparities compared to their white, typically developing peers. As a parent of Black children, some of whom have special needs, I’m vigilant about every detail because that’s the reality we navigate. While I believe teacher feedback is important, it isn’t the ultimate truth.
Ultimately, I want my children to understand that what matters most is being good human beings—not whether they can flawlessly multiply fractions or list every state in order. Academic knowledge has its limits, but interpersonal skills—essentially knowing how to treat others and communicate effectively—are invaluable.
Do they stand up to bullying? Are they willing to uphold what is right, even when it’s tough? Do they support their peers? Do they show respect to their teachers? Are they ready to offer a sincere apology when necessary? These qualities are the real-life skills that count.
When I observe the current world, filled with entitlement, cowardice, judgment, and manipulation, I wonder where the humility, courage, reverence, and openness have gone. I question how many individuals had parents who truly recognized them and focused on nurturing character instead of simply accumulating a record of grades and accolades.
I’m not a parenting guru, and I can’t predict what lies ahead for my four children. My hope is that by emphasizing their character and applauding their efforts to love themselves and others—something our values encourage—I’m steering them in the right direction.
For more on this topic, check out this insightful article and learn about the importance of interpersonal skills from this authority on fertility who offers great resources for those considering home insemination, such as IVF Babble.
Search Queries:
- Importance of teacher comments on report cards
- How to prioritize character development in children
- The significance of emotional intelligence in education
- Balancing academic success and personal growth
- Parenting strategies for promoting kindness and respect
Summary:
This article emphasizes the importance of teacher comments over letter grades in understanding a child’s character and emotional development. The author highlights that kindness, respect, and a positive attitude are crucial, far outweighing academic achievements. The focus is on fostering a love for learning and interpersonal skills, especially in light of biases in educational settings. The author advocates for recognizing children’s individuality and nurturing their character as a greater priority than grades.