In our household, we prioritize honesty and transparency with our children. We make it a point to inform them when their behavior affects others negatively or when they could have approached a situation differently. However, we refrain from belittling them. We don’t criticize in ways that can diminish their self-esteem or leave lasting emotional scars. Over the years, I have come to understand the significant impact our words have on our children. How we communicate, praise, and correct them is crucial. The manner in which we deliver our messages makes all the difference.
As parents, we shouldn’t become the negative voice that echoes in our children’s minds as they grow up—a relentless cycle of self-doubt. We all carry such voices from our childhood, don’t we? It could be a single remark that lingered—“That dress doesn’t suit you,” “You’re so selfish,” or “You can’t wear that.” Ultimately, our primary duty as parents is to keep our children safe, and that responsibility extends to our choice of words.
We can also learn from each other, even within the same family. There are days when the challenges of being the primary caregiver—cooking, overseeing remote learning, and shuttling kids to their activities—can overwhelm me, leading me to lose my temper. I’ve noticed that my words can sometimes stray into insensitivity, and once said, they cannot be taken back. Yet, when I observe my partner calmly managing a situation with our daughters, I gather new strategies for my parenting toolkit.
The language my partner uses when addressing our more sensitive daughter, Mia, is often positively framed. For instance, she might say, “Mia, your hair is gorgeous just the way it is. Perfection isn’t a requirement.” It pains us as parents to witness our children engage in negative self-talk. When they don’t achieve their goals, they might declare, “What I did was dumb,” or “Nobody likes me,” or “I can’t do that,” or “I’m a failure.” We must guide our children in developing the skills to transform that negative self-talk into something positive.
Our journey begins with us. We are the captains of our parenting ship, responsible for steering it in the right direction. It’s a fine balance to strike, avoiding both excessive praise and harsh criticism. Once we manage our self-talk, it becomes easier to discern when to commend and when to reframe our children’s experiences. We recognize that parenting is largely trial and error; there’s no definitive manual. While there are parenting guides and therapists available, the day-to-day emotional landscape in our homes is unique, and we alone are responsible for the words we choose.
Let’s take ownership of our words and commit to uplifting our kids with positivity and understanding.
It’s also vital to consider the words we say to ourselves. The negative self-talk we may harbor can impact our ability to enhance our emotional intelligence and can inadvertently influence how we communicate with our kids. By altering our internal dialogue, we might also change the messages we deliver to our children.
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Summary:
This article emphasizes the importance of mindful communication in parenting, urging parents to avoid becoming the negative voice that can haunt children into adulthood. By fostering an environment of support and positivity, we can help our children develop healthy self-perceptions and coping strategies for negative feelings.