I recently had a bit of a meltdown. My daughter thought it would be a great idea to leave a small plate of steak in her room for three days. Steak, at room temperature, just sitting there.
I had warned her not to bring it upstairs because I could only imagine the maggots that would be sprouting from the plate of perfectly cooked meat. And if she had stored it in the fridge, I could have enjoyed the leftovers!
Turns out, I was right. This incident led to me expressing my frustration about her neglecting her chores. I’m tired of reminding her that the trash is overflowing, only for her to balance her empty fruit cup container on top of it, as if that makes it better.
After I vented, I followed it up with my usual, “I’m sorry for yelling, but you really need to pay more attention and please don’t leave steak in your room again. Also, I love you lots.”
Reflections on Parenting
Growing up, if my father was angry, he would give my family the silent treatment after yelling. He would remain upset for days. If I messed up, like getting poor grades, he would remind me of it constantly. My junior year of high school, I didn’t perform well on standardized tests. My dad was furious and said, “How does it feel to be at the bottom of your class?” He warned me I’d never get into college, crushing my dreams.
One thing I want my kids to understand is this: Just because I’m mad, sad, or disappointed in their actions, I will never, ever give up on them. Who would want to live under that kind of scrutiny?
I want them to grow up with healthy relationships, including navigating mistakes and disagreements. I want them to see me upset, and then return to normalcy afterward. I never want them to feel they can’t approach me out of fear that I’ll dismiss them and not be there to support them.
Facing Challenges Together
I’ve caught all my teenagers experimenting with substances. My son had a car accident while driving recklessly with friends in the car. There were moments when I didn’t think he would pass his classes. My youngest even took a picture of his teacher during a Zoom class and shared it with his Snapchat friends.
They frustrate me. They disappoint me. They make choices I wish they wouldn’t. But if I were to give up on them for their mistakes, what would that teach them?
If a child believes their parent doesn’t value them, they begin to lose their own self-worth. If they think their parents won’t stick by them through tough times, who will they turn to?
I need them to understand that even when I’m upset—whether it’s over something small like spoiled meat or something significant like substance use—they still have my love and support. I’m not going anywhere.
Healthy Relationships and Expectations
I can show them this by enforcing appropriate consequences and reminding them of my expectations without making them feel they need to be perfect to gain my approval. That only leads to them hiding things and doubting themselves.
It’s okay to argue, to feel upset, and then to reconcile. I want them to see that healthy relationships can withstand rough patches and still thrive with love and hope.
Further Reading
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In summary, it’s crucial to show our children that no matter how upset we may get, our love and support remain unwavering. We should encourage them to learn from their mistakes while ensuring they feel valued and understood.