As one of the first in my circle of friends to become a parent, I’ve navigated the tumultuous waters of raising teenagers while many of my friends are just beginning this journey. Some days, it feels like the chaos will last forever, but I know that this phase will pass, and I’ll chuckle at the memories (like the time my teenager thought they could mask the smell of pot with fabric softener sheets—classic).
Lately, I’ve been receiving messages from friends in distress, asking for advice on handling their own teens. Their messages often read like cries for help: “My kids are driving me up the wall,” “How do you manage this?” and “Please, I need tips on surviving the teenage years!”
I’ve had my share of those moments, too, and still do. They’re a regular occurrence for me. So, in light of the challenges we face, here’s what I’ve learned to let go of to maintain my sanity:
1. Room Cleanliness
I once stressed about my teens keeping their rooms tidy, but I’ve come to realize that teenagers are naturally messy. They collect odd things and rarely make their beds. If they prefer a chaotic space filled with clothes and snacks, that’s on them. I simply keep their doors closed and refuse to clean up after them. Eventually, they’ll tackle the mess themselves, and I can dream of how I’ll repurpose that space once they’re gone.
2. Shower Duration
Teenagers love their long showers, no matter their grooming habits. I’ve tried everything—timers, banging on doors, even flashing the light. But honestly, they just find ways to shower when I’m not around. So, I’ve decided to let them have this time. It’s a small gift of privacy that allows them to unwind without interruption, as long as they’re not holding up the bathroom for others.
3. Monitoring Their Diet
My son, now 17 and towering at 6’1”, eats everything in sight. If he wants leftover takeout for breakfast or snacks throughout the day, I’ve learned to let it go. He’s responsible for his own choices, and I refuse to micromanage his diet any longer. After years of insisting on healthy meals, I’ve done my job. If he chooses chips and Pop Tarts for breakfast, that’s his prerogative.
In the grand scheme of things, letting go of these minor battles is liberating. As parents, we will face bigger challenges, and it’s essential to focus our energy on raising kind, thoughtful young adults instead of sweating the small stuff.
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In summary, I’ve learned that letting go of certain expectations around cleanliness, shower time, and dietary choices not only eases my stress but also fosters independence in my teens. By focusing on what’s truly important, I’m able to maintain a more positive atmosphere at home.