Remote learning or in-person classes? Suddenly, NYC implemented a new policy: once you made your choice, you were locked in for the entire school year—no changes allowed. This made the decision even trickier as I contemplated whether to remain at my in-laws’ secluded house or return to the bustling city.
Let’s just say that Jake’s Dad and I had differing opinions on this matter. His anxiety about exposing our child and family to COVID was skyrocketing. The second wave of infections was hitting, and it was pushing his stress levels through the roof.
I, on the other hand, was far more worried about the emotional impact of our child’s social isolation. Plus, I was seriously homesick.
I had read numerous articles that provided comforting data indicating that schools weren’t significant sources of COVID transmission. This knowledge helped ease my mind, especially since many of our friends in the city were attending in-person classes safely and happily.
However, to be fair, Jake had some of the most fantastic remote learning teachers for first grade, or “village,” as they liked to call themselves. They were incredibly engaged and infused their classrooms with an unmatched level of energy and humor.
Initially, Jake was so shy that he wouldn’t even turn on his camera. But after a few days, he couldn’t be stopped from unmuting himself. I felt guilty even thinking about disrupting this newfound routine. Remote learning was providing him with a sense of normalcy, and it was working—at least for now.
In recent months, Jake’s public school had to shut down multiple times due to rising COVID cases. Some parents felt that the inconsistent schedule was highly disruptive, while others were just grateful for any days of in-person learning they could get. Nearby schools remained open thanks to low COVID numbers.
“It’s not like Jake will be missing out on a grand school production of The Pirates of Penzance!” his Dad argued.
I pictured the assembly hall so empty that the school bell’s echo would be the only sound. It made me sad to think Jake would miss out on his first-grade play.
“Yes, but he could at least play outside with his friends while wearing a mask! He doesn’t know a single child here,” I countered.
“But it’s getting so cold; how long can he do that?” he replied.
“It’s not like he’ll be eating lunch with his friends in the cafeteria,” his Dad added.
“But at least he’ll be close enough to his friends to share funny jokes,” I insisted.
“And what about the fact that neither of us has the patience for remote learning?” he shot back.
It was challenging to agree on our child’s education, and we weren’t alone. The fundamental question of “remote versus in-person learning” was straining many families and friendships. There were countless articles laying out the pros and cons of each option.
Parents were quick to judge one another, making the decision even harder. Yes, remote learning was wearing parents down. Yes, schools continued to open and close as COVID cases fluctuated. Yes, many families relied on schools to stay open. Yes, many teachers felt they shouldn’t have to risk their health to educate our kids, especially with their own families to care for. Yes, the data was growing to show that schools didn’t significantly contribute to COVID spread. Yes, studies highlighted the negative effects of social isolation. Yes, many families still feared the unknown.
We went back and forth endlessly, sharing our conflicting feelings with our therapist week after week. We tried not to dismiss each other’s anxieties and feelings. We aimed to avoid always wanting to be right or have the last word. Most times, we failed miserably. But week after week, we kept trying. We shed our stubbornness. We cried.
No family makes perfect choices, and not every family agrees on what to do with their child. Ultimately, we decided to stick with fully remote learning and remain at my in-laws’ home. We also agreed to arrange more socially-distanced playdates so Jake could get the interaction he desperately needed. This meant I had to join local Mommy Facebook groups to set up playdates, and for that, I am incredibly grateful.
When I see the decisions that other parents make, I remind myself that they are doing the best they can.
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Summary:
Navigating the decision between remote and in-person learning during the pandemic can be challenging for families. Different perspectives on safety, social isolation, and education can lead to conflict. Ultimately, each family must choose what works best for them while recognizing that every parent’s choice is grounded in their love for their child.