We’ve all encountered the notion of the “pandemic wall.” It’s been the subject of countless memes, articles, and conversations with friends and therapists alike. The idea is straightforward: we reach a point where we can’t push forward anymore. Our momentum halts, and we find ourselves breaking down.
As highlighted by Jessica Miller in a recent article, “The pandemic wall appears at various times for different individuals, but many have found themselves face-to-face with it recently.” The year 2020 was universally challenging, and while we hoped for a fresh start in 2021, January felt eerily similar to the previous year.
Personally, I’ve faced the “pandemic wall” multiple times throughout the past year. Eventually, it morphs into something deeper. I’ve been crushed into a full-blown existential crisis. “Once 2021 arrived, it hit me hard: we’re still in this,” shared Mark Thompson, a 27-year-old creative director. “I often wonder how much longer I can endure this. These feel like my lost years.”
Yes, the lost years. At some point, this situation transitions from merely “getting through it” to questioning our identity and purpose. Unlike hitting a wall in a marathon, we can’t pinpoint when this will end. We’ve been reassured about a “light at the end of the tunnel” so often that it feels more like a mirage—flickering, uncertain, and perhaps never truly existing.
Most days, I feel… okay? I manage my daily tasks: work, clean up after dinner (my partner handles the cooking), do laundry, text friends, and remind my kids about their homework. Generally, I’m an optimistic person. But then, the absurdity of our reality takes my breath away, and I find myself doing something bizarre, like reorganizing the pantry at midnight or pondering a move to Spain, or even crying in my car on a Tuesday afternoon (though that last one isn’t too unusual).
Many approaching their pandemic wall might receive advice similar to that given to runners: distract yourself, engage in positive self-talk, seek support, indulge in comfort food, and when all else fails, just keep moving forward. However, that last piece of advice only holds if we’re still able to walk. At some point, the landscape shifts so drastically that we aren’t running anymore; we’re crawling or frozen at the edge of a cliff. Sometimes, the best choice is to pause, reevaluate, and change direction.
That’s where I find myself. Should I keep pushing forward, or should I change my path entirely? Is this truly how life will be indefinitely—filled with masks, Zoom calls, and endless nights at home? What is actually happening? We’re living in a chaotic reality—pretending everything is “fine” while internally we’re screaming, “THIS IS NOT FINE. NOT FINE AT ALL.”
So, yes, I’m struggling. And if you’re being honest with yourself, you might be too. It’s okay to admit it. Acknowledging this doesn’t diminish the privilege I hold in being able to express these feelings, especially when I think about missing travel, dining out, and socializing with friends. I’m fortunate to have a job, my health, and a safe home. Yet, I’m also bewildered, exhausted, and grappling with an existential crisis.
I don’t have solutions to offer, just the reminder that you’re not alone in this. There’s no right or wrong way to feel right now. And if you hadn’t noticed, swearing can be an effective coping mechanism until we manage to regain our balance.
For those navigating these feelings, check out this resource on pregnancy and home insemination or explore fertility supplements that may help.
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In summary, the pandemic has created a unique existential crisis for many. As we navigate through these changes, it’s essential to acknowledge our feelings and understand that it’s okay to struggle. Seeking support and engaging with helpful resources can make a difference.