In my early twenties, I found myself staring into a friend’s mirror, witnessing a surreal reflection of my own despair. I felt as if I were trapped in a never-ending loop, watching myself cry while a voice echoed in my mind, insisting I was unwanted. Words spilled from my mouth that only I understood, and I was overwhelmed by a tumult of pain and beauty. In that moment, I was spiraling into a psychotic break, although I didn’t realize it at the time.
When my former partner rushed me to the emergency room, I was met with a bewildering question: “Are you Wiccan?” The doctor asked this while I struggled to communicate logically, and I was perplexed. What did paganism have to do with my mental state? Instead of receiving compassionate care, I was met with judgment, as if my suffering was the result of a bizarre belief system rather than a mental health crisis.
After answering questions about drug use and mental health history, my psychiatrist was contacted, and I was eventually allowed to leave after assuring them I wouldn’t harm myself. By then, I felt embarrassed and disoriented, questioning why I wasn’t “fixed” yet. The idea of being “normal” began to feel like a cruel joke.
Over time, I realized I was never broken, and the concept of normalcy is a flawed expectation. If you’re grappling with your mental health, remember that you are not alone. What you truly need is love and support, not stigma.
Before the pandemic, nearly 20% of Americans had experienced a mental illness, yet more than half of these individuals didn’t seek help due to fear of judgment or loss of employment. For instance, Maria, a writer from Florida, shared how her Latina background added extra stigma to discussions about mental health. “In my culture, we often label someone with mental health issues as ‘la loca’—the crazy one—without giving them a real identity. This is all too common.” She wished her family embraced mental health conversations instead of dismissing them.
Many, like myself, turn to substances to cope with feelings we can’t articulate. There’s a dissonance between recognizing something is wrong and not being taken seriously. We’re told to suppress our pain rather than express it.
Take Jamie, a mother from Vermont who has battled anxiety since childhood. She learned early on that feeling overwhelmed wasn’t “normal.” “The message was always to toughen up,” she explained. “People with depression are often seen as burdensome. Especially as a teenage girl, I felt immense pressure to fit the mold of the happy, carefree individual.” She spent years striving for improvement until her therapy sessions became unaffordable.
In this country, insurance systems create additional barriers. Before undergoing life-saving gender-affirming surgery, I had to prove my suffering to both my insurance company and surgeon. I ended up paying $12,000 out of pocket because my insurance only covered a fraction of it after the deductible. Even after two years of sobriety, I was denied a life insurance policy due to my mental health history, despite being more stable than ever.
Lonnie, from New York, shared how her husband refrained from seeking help for his anxiety and rage, fearing it would jeopardize his job. “This choice hurt not only him but our entire family,” she revealed. Only after leaving the Army did he feel he could seek the therapy he needed.
Mental illness knows no boundaries; it affects individuals across all demographics. Yet, it remains shrouded in stigma, often dismissed as laziness or weakness. Instead of receiving compassion and support, many of us encounter damaging stereotypes that perpetuate silence and shame.
I have been engaged with mental health services since I was 18. My experiences have taught me that acknowledging my past traumas is essential. I am not to blame for my mental illness, which stemmed from childhood abuse and toxic relationships.
We must stop the cycle of blame and stigma. Greater acceptance of mental health challenges can encourage those in need to seek help. Remember, you are not broken. You are worthy, deserving of love, and capable of healing.
For anyone in need, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration offers 24/7 confidential services in both Spanish and English.
This article was originally published on Feb. 25, 2021.