On February 20, celebrity chef Mia Johnson commemorated her baby, whom she lost during pregnancy. The model and cookbook author has shared her journey through loss at 20 weeks, offering support to others navigating similar heartache. However, her openness has also exposed her to harsh criticism and the ugly side of gatekeeping.
After media outlets shared Mia’s heartfelt post, a wave of comments emerged. While many were sympathetic, one particularly cruel remark stood out: “I don’t care for her at all and enough about your miscarriages, honey I’ve had 2 of them! You’re no different than the rest of us women.” This statement is upsetting for many reasons, chiefly its attempt to diminish Mia’s grief by implying there’s a hierarchy of suffering—one that excludes her experience.
Gatekeeping, as defined by Urban Dictionary, is “when someone takes it upon themselves to decide who does or does not have access or rights to a community or identity.” In the context of grief, it’s a harmful impulse that suggests some forms of pain are more valid than others. It transforms mourning into a contest, something it should never be.
Having navigated my own grief journey over the past three years, I’ve learned several important lessons. First, grief is not competitive; there’s no prize for who has suffered the most. Second, grief is not a finite resource. One person’s sorrow doesn’t diminish another’s. And third, phrases like “at least” only serve to invalidate someone’s pain. For instance, saying, “At least you can still get pregnant,” indirectly communicates that their loss is somehow less significant.
The main takeaway? We don’t have the right to gatekeep grief. Not for Mia Johnson, nor for anyone else. There is room for everyone to grieve their own way.
Gatekeeping grief is not only unkind to the individual but detrimental to all of us. When someone, whether a public figure like Mia or not, shares their personal story, they extend a lifeline to countless others who might feel isolated in their suffering. The comment about Mia being “no different than the rest of us” misses the essence of sharing—it’s not about seeking elevation or attention, but about fostering connection and understanding.
Experiencing loss can be profoundly isolating. Realizing you’re not alone, that someone else understands even a fragment of your journey, can be the glimmer of hope you need. Sharing your own story doesn’t diminish others; it actually creates space for more voices and experiences.
When one has faced loss and become familiar with grief, empathy often becomes a guiding force. Gatekeeping may stem from past invalidation, where one lashes out because they were told their pain wasn’t worthy. This cycle needs to break, and it begins with empathy.
Grief is deeply personal, and each experience is unique. Just as love comes in countless forms, so too does grief. There’s enough empathy in the world for everyone to take what they need, and we should ensure that all stories are heard.
For more insights, you can explore this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, if you’re interested in learning more about home insemination methods, check out this guide on how to use a home insemination kit.
Related Search Queries:
- How to cope with pregnancy loss
- Support for miscarriage survivors
- Home insemination methods
- Understanding grief and loss
- Sharing your grief story
In summary, grief should not be a competitive arena. Everyone’s experience with loss is unique and valid, and we should foster environments where all stories can be shared and heard. Empathy is key in breaking the cycle of gatekeeping grief and allowing for healing.