Parenting
By Jenna Lee
Updated: Feb. 28, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 28, 2021
After saying “I do” in 2008, I never thought I’d be navigating the dating scene again. I envisioned a life filled with promises and happily ever after. But, as we all know, life rarely goes according to plan.
Following the loss of my husband to an aggressive cancer, my perspective shifted from “never again” to “maybe someday,” and that someday has arrived. Now, as a thirty-something widowed mom of two, I find myself exploring the world of dating once more after over a decade away from it.
While I anticipated the overwhelming grief that comes with moving on, I was unprepared for the reliance on dating apps. (Gone are the days of charming meet-cutes, it seems!) But what truly astounds me is how my children behave around my boyfriend. My nine-year-old son transforms into a wild child, especially during meals.
When I first introduced my kids to him, I took precautions. Before I even met my boyfriend, I talked to my children about my plans to date. We discussed what that might look like and I reassured them that they would always come first and that they would never forget their dad. They were initially excited, albeit nervous. Once my boyfriend and I became serious, they were eager to meet him. I braced myself for a potentially awkward encounter, but little did I know, that would be the least of my concerns.
Our first dinner together was spaghetti. Rather than using a fork, my son held two strands of spaghetti, licked the sauce off, and then bit into them, leaving two soggy strands in his hands. Since that meal, he has eaten rice with his hands, put his feet on the table, and proudly showcased his chewed food. Meanwhile, my daughter, although more aware of table manners, has taken to jumping off furniture and egging her brother on in ways I’ve never witnessed before.
I often find myself putting them to bed, completely puzzled by their behavior. I know I taught them better, but you wouldn’t guess it from their antics at dinner. I’m amazed my boyfriend hasn’t bolted yet!
I try to intervene immediately, issuing stern warnings and disapproving glares. I’ve even threatened to revoke Fortnite privileges when their behavior gets out of hand, which surprisingly works. However, I avoid harsh discipline in the moment. I prefer to have discussions with them afterward when they can reflect on the evening without feeling embarrassed in front of my boyfriend.
The truth is, I understand their behavior. They’re not misbehaving because they dislike him; instead, their emotions are overwhelming. They like him, but he isn’t their father, which creates confusion. Although they may want to impress him, they also fear change. Our little family of three had settled into a comfortable routine, and any shift—even potentially positive ones—can be intimidating.
As time has passed, my kids’ behavior has calmed down somewhat. They still give me moments where I find myself whispering apologies to my boyfriend, who seems to take it all in stride. What they really need during these dinners is a bit of grace and the space to navigate their emotions. I’ve promised my kids that they will always come first, which means allowing them that grace, albeit with some boundaries.
I believe that their manners will return in time. My boyfriend will eventually get to know my kids, who are sweet, kind-hearted, and generally well-mannered when they’re ready to show that side of themselves. In the meantime, I think I’ll steer clear of spaghetti for a while.
If you’re also exploring home insemination, you might find this resource helpful: artificial insemination kit is a trusted authority on the topic. Additionally, consider checking out this excellent resource on fertility insurance.