About nine months into my journey as a solo parent during a pandemic, I stumbled upon an online fiction writing course. The course description indicated that it would be quite demanding, and the application process certainly lived up to that. With COVID-19 cases rising in my area and the dreary winter dragging on, I made a somewhat impulsive decision to apply. A week later, I was thrilled to learn that I’d been accepted.
The class was indeed challenging, requiring several hours of weekly assignments and readings. Yet, it provided a refreshing escape from the relentless routine of pandemic parenting. The instructor and fellow students inspired me, and for the first time in months, I felt invigorated to chase a dream of mine.
However, time is always in short supply. Even before the pandemic turned life upside down, I often added tasks to my to-do list faster than I could check them off. This is a common challenge for parents today, especially solo parents. Each hour of my day was meticulously scheduled, leaving little room for spontaneity.
To accommodate this new class, I had to make sacrifices — sorry, sleep — and cut back on other activities. I even reduced the time I typically spend just “being” with my kids, time that is distinct from helping with homework, mediating sibling squabbles, or reading bedtime stories.
That first evening, as I logged into the virtual class — headphones on, blocking out the world except for the sounds of an ongoing emergency — I broke the news to my kids that I wouldn’t be able to join them for our Netflix binge. Guilt washed over me. As their sole parent, I felt the weight of my decision. I had spent the day juggling work, urging them to complete school assignments, and handling the logistics of our lives. Taking time away to focus on my class felt like I was putting my ambitions above theirs. It felt selfish.
But then, as they wished me a good class and dove into their own world of Roblox, a new thought struck me. Yes, I was prioritizing my dream over them, and in many ways, that could be labeled as selfish. Yet, it was so much more than that. By making this choice, I was demonstrating to them what it means to pursue a dream. I was teaching them the value of ambition and the idea that even adults have aspirations worth chasing.
In choosing to invest in myself, I was modeling for them the importance of supporting one another’s goals, just as I encourage them in their own endeavors. Family support flows both ways — it’s not just about parental guidance but also about children supporting their parents, and siblings cheering each other on.
I often grapple with the term “selfish.” I tend to believe that as a solo parent, my desires take a backseat to my children’s needs. After all, they have experienced the pain of losing their father, seeing him fade away both physically and emotionally. I’ve comforted them through heartbreak, wishing I could shield them from all pain. The instinct to protect them from feeling neglected by my choices runs deep.
However, they need to witness me being “selfish” in this small way. This kind of selfishness isn’t negative.
For me, those extra hours dedicated to my writing made me feel visible again during the pandemic. They reminded me that there is a future beyond this difficult time and provided me with something to anticipate when I had forgotten how to do so. The class became a lifeline back to my true self. Now, weeks after the class has ended, I feel rejuvenated, productive, and more engaged with my children than I have in ages.
For them, watching me commit to a personal goal will ideally instill the belief that their dreams are worth pursuing, their desires are valid, and that our family will always support each other in every way possible.
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Summary:
Solo parents sometimes must make choices that may appear selfish, such as pursuing personal goals, but doing so can benefit the whole family. By prioritizing their own dreams, solo parents can model ambition and support, showing their children the importance of pursuing personal aspirations while also teaching them about family dynamics. This balance helps foster a supportive environment where everyone can thrive.