I recently overheard a new father discussing life with his newborn. As a first-time parent, he was clearly enamored with his little one, but his joy was quickly overshadowed by frustration when the topic of sleep came up. His main complaint? The noisy grunting sounds his baby made while nursing kept him awake at night. But here’s the kicker—he wasn’t the one feeding her; that responsibility fell to his wife while he buried his head under a pillow. “Oh, buddy, we need to fix this right now,” I said, as he looked at me with hope, expecting some magic solution for a good night’s sleep. “You need to step up your nighttime game and support your wife.” That wasn’t what he wanted to hear.
Having experienced the challenges of parenthood myself, I understand the feeling of helplessness when it comes to nighttime feedings. It’s easy to think, “I can’t help with breastfeeding, so I’ll just roll over and sleep.” I’d be lying if I said I never did that, but I quickly learned it was unfair to my partner. Being a supportive parent at night is just as crucial as during the day. Even if I wasn’t breastfeeding, my role as a parent didn’t disappear just because I was tired.
Many dads who work outside the home often feel they deserve more sleep than their partners who stay home. This outdated notion needs to change. Sleep is essential for everyone and should not be dictated by archaic beliefs about gender roles. Being the primary earner is just as important as being a full-time caregiver—one cannot function without the other. So, acknowledge your partner for enabling you to pursue your career while managing the household.
As a parent who has both worked outside the home and stayed home, I found that caring for kids all day was far more exhausting. If your partner is the primary nighttime caregiver, it’s vital to apologize and make changes quickly. Otherwise, she may experience burnout, frustration, or worse. And don’t even think about asking for your “needs” to be met after complaining about the baby’s nighttime grunts—her weary body already knows.
Not all mothers want or can stay home. If both parents work full-time, why is it still assumed that nighttime responsibilities fall solely on Mom? Seriously, Dads, it’s time to step up.
In my own experience, there were nights when my ex-partner preferred to handle the feedings alone since our first baby was a good sleeper. However, we always agreed that I was available to help. Each night, I prepared myself to assist if needed. While I wasn’t the one nursing for the first six months, I changed diapers, comforted our baby, and ensured my ex had water or bottles of pumped milk ready. As our baby transitioned to formula, we split the nighttime feeding responsibilities based on a pre-agreed plan.
With multiple children, we had to establish ground rules for late-night exchanges, including a mutual understanding that anything said between midnight and 6:00 AM was off the record. Even though I did my best to share the load, my ex still ended up with less sleep due to the demands of breastfeeding. She appreciated my help and felt supported.
We also divided up the bedtime routines. With just one child, we alternated who would tuck her in and read stories. As our family grew, we maintained this rotation, ensuring both parents were equally involved. It’s essential to start sharing the parenting duties from the get-go—especially in traditional relationships. Otherwise, you create a frustrating dynamic where Dad sleeps soundly while Mom is left exhausted and overwhelmed.
There’s no “Moms only” rule when it comes to nighttime parenting. Dads, it’s time to take charge of bedtime routines, feedings, and midnight comfort sessions. If you’re already doing this, kudos for breaking the cycle of entitlement. If not, now’s the time to step up because your partner deserves so much more.
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Summary
Dads need to actively participate in nighttime parenting, regardless of their work status. The outdated belief that mothers should handle all nighttime responsibilities must change. By sharing duties, both parents can support each other and create a healthier family dynamic.