With everything that’s been happening lately, I’ve spent almost a whole year with my kids around the clock. It feels like I hear “mom” a staggering 288 times a day, and there’s always a little one right in my personal space. By the end of the night, my ears are ringing from all the constant noise. I’m completely drained, physically and emotionally. But each evening, I make it a point to kiss all four of my kids goodnight. Honestly, it’s as much for me as it is for them.
I’ve never claimed to be the perfect parent. I openly acknowledge that I lose my temper with my kids more often than I’d like to admit. Juggling remote work, virtual schooling, and cooking countless meals has been a real challenge. My patience runs low, and I’ve had my share of meltdowns. To be frank, I often just count down the hours until bedtime.
When it’s time for bed, I find I have little left to give. However, I view this time as a reprieve from the day’s chaos. It’s my opportunity to reassure my kids that, despite everything, my love for them remains constant. It’s a moment to truly connect with them, which can be rare amidst the daily hustle.
Bedtime has become one of my cherished moments in the day. With no distractions, the house is calm, and each child gets my full attention, even if just for a few minutes. I can give back rubs, read stories, or listen to their favorite tunes. This is when the best conversations often unfold, as my kids tend to open up without me having to pry it out of them. Sometimes, we even end up laughing, dancing, or simply chatting together.
Each of my children is at a different stage in life, making bedtime special in unique ways. My youngest is the last baby, which means I soak up every snuggle and sweet “I love you” I can. My daughter and I share a special girl time, diving into princess stories and discussing things she wouldn’t typically mention in front of her brothers.
Though my tween and teenager don’t need my help to get ready for bed, they still value that time together. I know my days of cuddling with my tween are limited; he’s at that awkward age where he’s caught between wanting affection and wanting independence. My teenager often acts exasperated, feeling like I’m constantly interrupting his world. Yet, bedtime is that rare window when I can express my love, and he reciprocates with sincerity rather than eye-rolls.
Of course, there are days when I feel utterly worn out. I might just want the day to end because my kids have been particularly demanding since sunrise. They can be overstimulated, and I desperately want them to fall asleep. Sometimes, one of them will do something that just pushes me over the edge, and I snap after a long day of trying to keep my cool.
Regardless of how many times I lose my patience or fail to keep my promises, bedtime is still my chance to remind my kids that they are loved. I want them to know that my love is unchanging, even when I’m frustrated or upset. And if they’re not in the mood to give kisses, that’s perfectly okay. I’ll always be there to let them know I care.
Some nights, I go to bed feeling regretful. I reflect on my choices and actions throughout the day, critiquing my parenting. I have to remind myself that I’m not trying to be a flawless mother; that’s an unrealistic goal. The reason I prioritize kissing my kids goodnight is that I am far from perfect. No matter the challenges of the day, taking the time to say goodnight allows me to feel like I’ve done something right as a mom.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, Clara Thompson shares her experiences as a mother navigating the challenges of constant parenting during the pandemic. She emphasizes the importance of bedtime as a sacred time for connection, love, and reassurance, despite the daily chaos and frustrations. Each child’s unique bedtime routine offers moments of joy and understanding, allowing Clara to feel like a good mom even amidst imperfections.