Every time it happens, it stings. That parent at the playground who glances at my twin daughters, who, like their child, are just having fun. My partner and I have received the comment, “Your kids are so well-behaved,” from a solitary white parent more times than I can count. As a Black mother, I can’t help but take this remark as offensive.
Usually, it’s my wife, who is of South Asian descent, with our kids when these encounters occur. I hear the stories secondhand, but my anger simmers whenever I learn of it. It’s as if people expect my children to misbehave, and their good behavior is a shocking revelation. This is why the concept of “free-range children” seems to exclude BIPOC kids. Their very skin color draws comments like those my daughters receive—or even worse.
Children of color often lack the opportunity to simply exist in public spaces due to real fears for their safety. Parents of BIPOC children cannot allow their kids to play alone at the playground without supervision. Additionally, young Black and brown boys are often labeled as thugs or criminals simply for gathering in groups, especially if they wear hoodies.
I wouldn’t describe myself as a helicopter parent, hovering over my kids constantly, but I am acutely aware of my surroundings. I set boundaries for my children; I need to be able to see them when they’re out in public or playing. With my 14-year-old son, I have to know where he is at all times. It’s not that I don’t trust him; it’s that I don’t trust others to respect him, protect him, or allow him to be a kid without imposing their own biases about who he should be because he is a Black boy.
There used to be a saying that it takes a village to raise children. I still believe in that idea, but what do we do when some people in that village don’t hold the same views for all kids? As a mother of color, I must navigate a fine line, allowing my children the same freedom as their white peers while ensuring their safety in our South Asian and Black family. Letting my kids run to the corner store for a quick errand or hang out with friends could lead to lifelong trauma—or worse.
BIPOC families navigate the world differently than our white counterparts; this is not a new revelation. As Diane L. Redleaf points out in her book, They Took the Kids Last Night: How the Child Protection System Puts Families at Risk, the freedom that white children enjoy is often not extended to children of color.
When our kids wear hoodies, it doesn’t carry the same connotations as when white kids do. Simply riding bikes together in their neighborhood could lead to unjust arrests for no reason at all. This fear of letting my kids just be kids stifles their ability to play freely and develop independence without parental presence. I try to suppress this fear, yet it remains ever-present when I let them play in our predominantly white neighborhood.
Sharon Lee, a multicultural educator and mother of two, shares her perspective as a parent of mixed heritage. She believes it’s crucial for all children to feel safe and emphasizes the importance of solidarity across racial communities. Sharon states, “We must work together; it’s not a competition for suffering. Our strength lies in unity.” Together, we can create strategies that help our children feel safer and more independent.
While some parents have the luxury of sending their kids out to play, apply for jobs, or run errands without anxiety, that reality has never been the same for BIPOC parents. This is a fear we confront daily—pushing through it teaches others that we deserve to live without fear and pursue equality.
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Summary:
The article discusses the challenges faced by BIPOC parents as they navigate parenting in a society where their children often do not enjoy the same freedoms as their white peers. It highlights the biases and fears associated with raising children of color, emphasizing the need for community solidarity and awareness of the disparities in parenting experiences.