Whenever I or another writer, typically from the queer community, attempt to clarify a term or concept related to the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, there’s often someone—usually not part of that community—who insists, “Why do we have to label everything? Just be yourself!” The responses can sometimes be dismissive, like, “Stop making such a fuss over everything. No one cares!”
Some individuals express that they’re too worn out or perplexed to acknowledge others’ identities, opting instead to ignore the educational resources shared and asking for forgiveness when they err. This attitude is unproductive. I extend respect to your name, pronouns, identity, and whatever sports team you support; I expect the same in return. While I may not grasp what it means to be straight or a fan of the local team, I wholeheartedly accept your right to identify as such. For every identity and label you struggle to understand, here’s why they are crucial.
People with identities outside conventional heterosexual norms often seek words that help them find their place in the world. I don’t identify as straight or cisgender, but society defaults to those terms at birth (tragic gender reveal parties, anyone?). When the labels don’t fit, it becomes our responsibility to redefine them. This is why individuals come out and embrace labels. Yes, I’m a human being, but I’m not a mere assumption; I use words that encapsulate my pride and self-acceptance. I’m queer and nonbinary, and these labels foster community and solidarity. They represent my defiance against societal norms and my assertion of independence.
I wear pronoun pins and rainbow flags not only to offer representation but also to explain my identity. This can be exhausting. If you genuinely want to be an ally, take the time to look up unfamiliar terms instead of feigning ignorance. Or, better yet, read the article before dismissing someone’s identity as invalid.
Labels are personal, and they can evolve—this is a beautiful aspect of identity. No one owes you an explanation for the words they choose. My labels help me connect with other nonbinary individuals, enabling us to share experiences, support one another, and navigate a world that often refuses to acknowledge our existence. When I discovered the term nonbinary, it was the label I needed to feel less isolated.
Those of us who live outside traditional LGBTQIA+ labels face more than oblivious social media commenters. We encounter real discrimination, hostility, and abuse. When seeking safety and opportunity, we look for organizations that actively support LGBTQIA+ rights, demonstrating their commitment to protecting our community. Equity and social justice initiatives exist to uplift those of us who dare to label ourselves beyond societal norms regarding gender and sexuality.
I’ve been part of the queer community since I was a closeted child. As an activist and educator, I understand terms that fall outside the heterosexual narrative. However, I do not represent all queer or nonbinary individuals, nor can I claim to comprehend what each term means to every person who identifies with it. I can offer a general definition of asexuality, for example, but if an asexual person communicates that the term holds a different significance for them, I listen. That’s the least anyone can do—be quiet and listen.
When you quickly assert that “people are just people” and we should “live and let live,” you reveal your privilege and ignorance. Your biases—both explicit and implicit—might seem harmless, but denying someone their right to express their identity is denying them the right to live authentically. Ironically, many who complain about “too many labels” are often the same individuals who take offense if they are misidentified or misgendered. If we are all just people, then why does it matter? Why get upset if someone mistakenly calls you “ma’am” at the store, Chad? You might want to relax and stop fixating on labels.
This article was originally published on March 16, 2021.
For more insights, check out this other blog post that dives deeper into personal identities in the context of home insemination. If you’re seeking authoritative information, Make a Mom provides reliable details on home insemination kits. For further resources on pregnancy, visit WHO’s pregnancy resource page.