A few weeks ago, my son celebrated his eighth birthday, and we went all out to make it memorable, even with the pandemic still affecting our lives. Since he’s attending virtual school, we couldn’t bring treats to his classmates, and a big party at a trampoline park or Chuck E. Cheese was out of the question. Instead, we gifted him some online store credit to snag a Fortnite skin, ordered his favorite takeout, sang “Happy Birthday” over cake, and arranged for a small, socially-distanced playdate with a couple of friends at the park.
At this age, birthdays are monumental. Parents everywhere have been brainstorming creative ways to ensure their kids feel cherished and celebrated while also staying safe during these trying times. Our family was no exception.
However, when you hit 41, birthdays become a little less exciting. Personally, I don’t stress too much about getting older, so my birthday doesn’t carry the same weight as it does for my kids. For many, though, birthdays can dredge up negative feelings, reminding them of old wounds, missed loved ones, or the dreaded family gatherings that nobody wants.
This past year has added another layer of complexity, as countless birthdays have been overshadowed by COVID-19 restrictions. If all you wanted was some peace and quiet, it could be tricky when you’re confined with a loud family that doesn’t grasp the concept of personal space.
My daughter once asked what I wanted for my birthday, and I jokingly replied, “For you to stop talking for just 15 minutes!” She agreed, then went to bed. The next morning, she cheerfully announced, “Mama, I went a whole 8 hours! Happy birthday!” What can I say?
Confessional #25823355: For my birthday, I just want a hotel room where I can sleep without interruptions.
Confessional #25821141: I told my partner that all I wanted was a single day free from political discussions. He managed it… for about 2 hours.
Confessional #25816975: For many moms, this is the only thing on our birthday wish lists—peace and quiet. We don’t want new shoes or jewelry; we just want a moment to ourselves.
Tonight was particularly rough. First, we learned that the puppy we were expecting in two days has been delayed by three weeks due to parvo virus exposure from another puppy. Second, my mother-in-law announced she wants to visit in May for my child’s birthday. Oh, absolutely not.
Confessional #25823061: My sister-in-law wanted to plan a birthday party for our nephew. We lied and said we were busy. Family obligations are exhausting!
Confessional #25816391: My aunt never attended any of my birthdays when I was growing up, and now she’s in her 60s and needs help. Honestly, I’m over family obligations since we don’t have a relationship. Hire someone to assist you.
Too often, birthdays—especially for our kids or spouses—bring up frustrations about our in-laws. Whether they expect to gather or create unnecessary drama, they often miss the mark, leaving us feeling upset.
My mother-in-law stopped giving birthday and Christmas presents to my kids. She has the means, and my children have always been polite and grateful. Who just stops giving gifts to their own grandchildren?
Confessional #25823325: My in-laws give my kids gifts but make them keep them at their house. How does that even make sense? “Here’s your gift, but you can’t take it home.” If you want to keep a toy, just buy a different one as a gift!
Confessional #25819338: From now on, my niece and nephew will receive the same gifts as my kids—cash stuffed in a card handed to them later.
Confessional #25816937: Which is worse: when our in-laws intrude on our family birthday celebrations or when they ignore the special day altogether? Either way, it’s frustrating.
I buy my own birthday and Christmas presents with my partner’s money. That way, I get what I truly want. I used to be polite about it, but my patience has worn thin.
Confessional #25822648: My partner forgot two of my last three birthdays. This year, I’m treating myself to a clit-sucking vibrator—on his credit card!
Confessional #25821749: After over a decade together, my husband still hasn’t figured out my love language. It’s frustrating when he buys me gifts that don’t resonate with me.
Confessional #25820479: My birthday is this weekend, and all I want is for my husband to plan something special. When I suggested ideas, he dismissed them as too much, leaving me feeling hurt and unappreciated.
The truth is, childhood birthdays are often filled with joy and excitement, but as we grow older, they can become a source of disappointment and loneliness. For many, birthdays serve as a glaring reminder of feeling unappreciated.
This is a gentle reminder to show love and appreciation to those in your life on their birthdays. Everyone deserves to feel special and celebrated, even if it’s a simple “Happy Birthday.” You don’t have to splurge to show you care; just make sure your sentiments are genuine.
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