The shift in our lives is unmistakable. With longer days, the arrival of vaccines, and stimulus checks, there’s a sense of optimism that many haven’t felt in over a year. Friends share emotional posts about missing family members, eagerly anticipating the moment when they can embrace their loved ones after vaccination. During the lockdown, some even risked their safety just to be with family, unable to cope with the separation. Observing all this feels like watching a scene unfold on screen—I understand the emotions, yet I don’t personally resonate with them. For some, like me, COVID has been a welcome reason to step back from toxic or harmful family dynamics.
My parents live far away, and I haven’t seen them since before the lockdown began. Typically, I visit them several times a year, but I’ve learned through therapy how to keep our interactions civil. However, just because our conversations are manageable doesn’t mean they are enjoyable. I’ve settled into a routine of shallow exchanges and low expectations, establishing boundaries over what topics to avoid. This arrangement maintains the peace, but it often leaves me feeling drained as I prioritize their needs in our discussions.
Having grown up with this kind of relationship, I thought it was normal to feel this way. I expected holidays to be stressful events filled with guilt, focusing all my anxiety on the perfect meal to distract from my discomfort. But when the CDC advised against indoor gatherings this past holiday season, I followed the guidelines—and found it liberating. I had no idea how exhausting those visits were until I found myself free from them. The lockdown turned out to be a much-needed escape from that turmoil.
That said, I recognize that many others faced far worse challenges during this time, with some being trapped alongside their abusers. Reports of domestic violence and sexual assault surged globally by as much as 20-30%. Quarantine conditions have also been linked to alcohol abuse, depression, and PTSD, creating a dire environment for many families.
I’m relieved that my parents are safe and have not contracted the virus this past year. Despite my difficult upbringing, I don’t wish them harm. I only realized my feelings about our relationship when I noticed I hadn’t missed them at all during the year, and now I find myself bracing for our next encounter. They’re vaccinated, and we all will be soon, so I’m preparing for the inevitable family visits and holidays once more.
While I genuinely look forward to reuniting with friends in the coming months, I feel differently about my parents, and that’s perfectly alright.
If you or someone you know is facing abuse, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for support.
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