Five weeks ago, I set out on a quest for food freedom. For a span of 12 weeks, I’ve partnered with a registered dietitian who emphasizes intuitive eating instead of focusing on weight loss. This desire for food freedom came after I recognized that every diet and “lifestyle change” only heightened my anxiety and obsession with food. My fixation on eating didn’t result in sustainable weight loss; instead, each attempt left me burned out and defeated.
These experiences didn’t just leave me heavier; they intensified my unhealthy relationship with food and my body. After much reflection, I decided to abandon weight loss efforts. Having tried nearly every diet imaginable, I decided to explore intuitive eating.
Food freedom is exactly what it sounds like — the ability to enjoy food without guilt or shame. It’s about indulging in what you love rather than adhering to societal “shoulds.” Accepting food freedom means letting go of arbitrary food rules that dictate whether I’ve been “good” or “bad” based on my choices. It’s about understanding that food isn’t a moral issue.
In theory, this sounds straightforward. You learn to trust your body to signal when it’s hungry, what it wants, how much to eat, and when you’re full. Most people do this naturally as children before the pressures of diet culture set in. However, for individuals like me, it’s far more challenging. I’ve spent my life being told I eat too much and exercise too little. Many of my health concerns, such as lipedema, polycystic ovarian syndrome, and endometriosis, were overlooked, with doctors advising me simply to “lose weight.”
Now, approaching 40, I find myself unsure about how to eat. Rebuilding trust in my body is a complex journey, filled with uncomfortable feelings I’m learning to confront rather than suppress with emotional eating. I often pause to reflect on my actions and motivations, grappling with fears about potentially gaining more weight.
Still, I celebrate small victories. Each day without a binge is a success. Choosing to listen to my hunger and fullness is another win. It’s a tough process, marked by self-doubt, but my dietitian assures me that questioning is part of the journey. The path to recovery takes time and involves recognizing the harm that dieting has caused me in the past.
While I wish I could say that food freedom is a quick fix, it’s far from it. There are days when it feels overwhelmingly exhausting. Many people have asked about my journey, curious if this approach will “work” for me. It’s easy to see food freedom as just another diet, but it’s more like a form of rehabilitation from traditional dieting.
Naturally, people are curious whether I’ll stick with this new approach or revert to old binge-restrict patterns. Some even wonder if I’ll consider surgical options like gastric bypass. Personally, I don’t think so. While surgery has crossed my mind, I recognize the importance of addressing my underlying issues rather than opting for a quick fix.
I understand the curiosity surrounding my journey. Those of us with larger bodies are often depicted in media, creating a culture of intrigue about our experiences. If a person of my size can find success with this method, it may inspire others to consider it for themselves.
I’m currently navigating the messy middle of my journey. Unlike public figures who make headlines for drastic weight loss, I’m not interested in restrictive diets. I’ve tried that route before; I’ve taken the before-and-after photos and celebrated my so-called success, yet the weight I lost always returned — plus some.
In the past, I felt like a failure for slipping back into binge-restrict cycles. Now, my dietitian has helped me understand that these cycles are common side effects of trying to lose weight intentionally. It turns out I’m not alone in this struggle. We’re not lazy or incapable; we’re simply human.
When people ask how much weight I’ve lost on this intuitive eating journey, my answer is that I don’t know. I’ve abandoned my scale. Do my clothes fit differently? Not really. Right now, I’m focusing on rebuilding trust in my body and breaking free from the restrict-binge cycle.
As for what I’m eating, it varies. My mood influences my choices as I explore what I genuinely enjoy. I tend to lean towards flexitarian and pescatarian options, finding joy in meals from companies like Splendid Spoon and Daily Harvest, which offer delicious and satisfying foods. Simplicity is key for me — a mix of proteins, carbs, and colorful fruits or veggies without rigid rules.
For example, just yesterday, I had stuffed salmon for breakfast, followed by a Daily Harvest veggie soup and Greek yogurt for lunch, and shared a vegan meal with my daughter for dinner. Each day, I strive to honor my hunger cues and find satisfaction without the burden of calorie counting or the morality of food.
I’m also learning that overeating and binge eating are not the same. It’s normal for anyone to occasionally overeat, especially those of us re-establishing trust in our bodies. Previously, I conflated overeating with binge eating, viewing them both as signs of weakness that led to guilt and shame — a vicious cycle. Now, with guidance, I’m learning to navigate these feelings without resorting to food as a coping mechanism.
Food freedom is transforming my perspective on myself and my relationship with food. For years, I’ve written about my struggles, and it’s a radical notion that someone with my body size can enjoy food without the weight of shame. The cultural narrative often insists that gaining weight warrants punishment through restrictive diets, yet I’m finding that I can treat myself with kindness and respect, free from judgment.
What intrigues me most about food freedom is its subversive nature. In a society obsessed with dieting, intuitive eating stands in stark contrast. It challenges the idea that all issues faced by fat individuals stem from their size and highlights how dieting can exacerbate problems commonly attributed to obesity.
It’s noteworthy that the experts advocating for food freedom often have backgrounds in treating eating disorders. Having struggled with an eating disorder myself, I find far more value in their guidance than in those who promote more restrictive diets. Their approach focuses on healing my relationship with food rather than imposing more rules.
As I navigate this path, I’m discovering that everyone’s journey is unique. While some may seek lists of “approved” foods, my grocery list is quite simple — a balanced mix of proteins, carbohydrates, and fruits or vegetables, all without judgment. I’ve learned that when I want a salad, I should just enjoy it, rather than waiting for the “perfect” moment.
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In summary, my journey towards intuitive eating and food freedom is ongoing, filled with challenges and triumphs. It’s about learning to trust my body again and enjoy food without guilt. Each step I take is a move towards a healthier relationship with food and my self-image.