Body-shaming is deeply embedded in our culture, often disguised as concern or casual comments. People in my life frequently express opinions without considering their impact. A phrase I often heard from my mother was her go-to line: “Just because it comes in your size, doesn’t mean you should wear it.”
During my teenage years, she would use this saying whenever she spotted a plus-sized individual wearing styles typically favored by straight-sized people. Her intention was to suggest that certain body types should avoid specific fashions because they might not be as flattering. While she didn’t intend to belittle anyone, that’s exactly the effect it had.
Ultimately, my mother had no right to dictate what others should wear. The feelings and choices of the person wearing the clothing are what truly matter, regardless of their size or shape.
Recognizing Body-Shaming
Body-shaming can manifest in various forms. I vividly remember a time when my father-in-law suggested I should exercise more, implying that my size was unhealthy for the baby I was carrying. This remark came when I was 41 weeks pregnant!
Some individuals are overtly rude, lacking any sensitivity to the potential harm of their words. Others may approach body-shaming in a more subtle manner, cloaking their comments in concern or compliments. For example, when someone says, “Have you lost weight? You look amazing!” it raises questions about whether there was something wrong with me before. I once longed for such “compliments” during the depths of my eating disorder, but later realized they were rooted in society’s narrow standards of beauty. My self-worth became tied to my appearance rather than my character.
Another common remark is, “You’re so brave to wear that in public!” What is brave about simply wearing clothing? Such comments reinforce the idea that certain bodies deserve praise while others should be shamed for their differences. This was said to me the first time I wore a two-piece swimsuit, an achievement that took me decades of self-love to reach.
Statements like, “I feel so fat today; I don’t even want to leave the house!” can also perpetuate body-shaming. I’ve caught myself making similar remarks in the past. However, it’s crucial to understand that feeling “fat” is not an actual state of being; it’s a sentiment that can lead to negative self-perception. Fat is a characteristic of many bodies, and there should be no shame attached to it.
Understanding the Scope of Body-Shaming
It’s essential to recognize that body-shaming affects everyone, irrespective of size, gender, race, or background. While societal pressures often compel men to maintain a fit physique, they have the option of embracing the “Dad Bod.” In contrast, mothers face immense pressure to quickly reclaim their pre-baby bodies while managing the emotional and physical challenges of motherhood.
Anyone can experience the harmful effects of body-shaming, which can have lasting consequences on mental and emotional well-being.
Heightened Awareness
Body-shaming can be blatant or subtle, and unfortunately, it’s so ingrained in our culture that many people speak without considering their words. Throughout my recovery from an eating disorder, I became acutely aware of how our words influence ourselves and those around us.
Hearing my mother’s judgmental comments about others’ clothing choices made me internalize the belief that I should be concerned about others’ perceptions rather than embracing my own comfort and style.
Changing the Narrative
Growing up surrounded by body-shaming shaped my relationship with my body over the years. The damage it causes to self-esteem and body image is profound and can take years to heal. Low self-esteem can create a cascade of issues affecting mental and physical health.
To foster change, we need to recognize body-shaming for what it is, understand its various forms, and empathize with those affected. In our home, we embrace the idea that we are not defined by our size. We celebrate intelligence and kindness, and our beauty comes from the love we share.
If you’ve experienced body-shaming or have been guilty of it, consider how we can work together to educate our communities. Let’s shift the conversation to ensure every body is embraced with respect and love.
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In summary, body-shaming is a pervasive issue that affects individuals across the spectrum, influencing self-esteem and body image. Awareness, empathy, and open conversations can pave the way for healthier attitudes towards body diversity.