Throughout my first pregnancy, I had a clear vision: I was going to be the fun mom, effortlessly carrying my baby in a carrier while enjoying coffee shops and festivals with my partner. I pictured myself frequently hitting the gym and having a seamless breastfeeding experience. I thought I had motherhood all figured out.
Oh, how wrong I was. None of those expectations materialized. Our outings became scarce because they were just too stressful for me. I didn’t step foot in a gym for years. And breastfeeding? It was a struggle. It was painful, my baby wouldn’t latch, and I found myself in tears every day for the first six weeks.
In hindsight, I don’t regret persevering; eventually, my baby and I got the hang of it, and I successfully breastfed my other two children without much trouble. However, that challenging experience instilled in me a deep empathy for all mothers—those who breastfeed and those who choose not to. I firmly believe in the “fed is best” philosophy; no mother should feel obligated to breastfeed or owe anyone an explanation for how she feeds her child.
While my breastfeeding journey ended positively (with the added bonus that it was free), many women face significant challenges. It can be painful, exhausting, and can take a toll on our mental health while permanently changing our bodies.
Breastfeeding is no joke, and all mothers—regardless of their feeding choices—deserve support, not judgment.
Confessions from Mothers
Confessional #25757052: “Breastfeeding my third child is so painful that I often scream and cry. I didn’t have these issues with my other two kids, and this is distressing. Just one latch left me fearing for my nipple’s safety. It feels like torture.”
Confessional #25801594: “Breastfeeding hurts like crazy. I wanted to make it to a year, but after three and a half months, I just want my breasts to be left alone!”
Confessional #21323358: “I’m constantly fighting clogged ducts while relying on pumping for breastfeeding. I’ve tried everything and am utterly exhausted and in pain. This is total b@llshit.”
The most frustrating comment I heard while struggling with breastfeeding was, “If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong.” No, it hurts because a tiny human is gnawing on me all day and night! Can we all agree that breastfeeding can be painful—even if you think you’re doing it right?
Confessional #25753591: “Before having kids, I had nice firm breasts. After two kids and 30 months of breastfeeding, my breasts now melt into my hands like puddles. I’m only 27!”
Confessional #25747789: “I wear C cup silicone inserts because after birthing and breastfeeding three kids, my breasts are practically nonexistent. Everything I wear looks ridiculous without them. It’s embarrassing and makes me feel less like a woman.”
Confessional #25775024: “Breastfeeding has made me less wet, even when I’m aroused. I’m too embarrassed to tell my partner that I want to try using lube.”
Confessional #24300360: “I daydream about a mastectomy because not having breasts seems better than the mess I’m left with after breastfeeding my third child.”
Breastfeeding can also lead to long-term changes in our bodies. Our breasts often don’t return to their original shape, and vaginal dryness is a common issue. But honestly, we’re so exhausted that we often don’t care.
Confessional #25752909: “I want to stop breastfeeding my 9-month-old son, but I feel guilty. He’s my second and last baby, and part of me feels he should get a full year like his sister.”
Confessional #25748968: “I gave up breastfeeding a week after my daughter was born. I’m ready to snap at anyone who questions me—my mental health matters too!”
Confessional #25773971: “Breastfeeding contributed significantly to my postpartum depression and anxiety. Once I stopped, both my baby and I became much happier. So, to anyone who judges me for using a bottle, I won’t apologize if I snap at you.”
Confessional #21581920: “If I could go back, I wouldn’t have stressed so much about breastfeeding my colicky baby due to societal pressure. We would have both been happier those first few months, and it was no one’s business anyway.”
It’s clear that breastfeeding—especially when faced with struggles like low supply, c-section recovery, NICU stays, or latching issues—can greatly affect a mom’s mental health. A mother’s well-being must come first, even if that means stopping breastfeeding. Moms should receive support throughout their breastfeeding journey, including when they decide to quit, without feeling guilty.
Confessional #25319093: “I hate the baby stage. I stopped at two kids because if I had to endure those first 18 months again more than twice, you’d have to light me on fire—it would be hell! Constant demands, whining, sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, no breaks. I HATE IT ALL.”
Confessional #25756937: “I’m mentally and physically drained from tandem feeding my 3-year-old and 1-year-old. It’s exhausting! Even my dog snaps at her puppies when she’s over it; I used to judge her, but now I get it!”
Confessional #21334003: “Breastfeeding is draining me. My 10-week-old screams when we try to introduce a bottle. I’m so tired and touched out, especially with a 2.5-year-old to care for. I need a break.”
Confessional #25758713: “I’m overwhelmed with cleaning, cooking, breastfeeding a toddler and a baby, changing diapers, working, and being a stay-at-home mom. My daughter complains I don’t give her enough attention, and my husband says there’s not enough intimacy. I don’t even have time for myself! I feel like a failure.”
The truth is, mothers are exhausted—completely and utterly tired. All moms, not just those who breastfeed, face challenges. But letting your baby use your body for nourishment takes exhaustion to a whole new level, both mentally and physically, and moms need rest.
Misinformation surrounding breastfeeding infuriates me. Yes, you can enjoy a glass of wine! Yes, you can eat whatever you want! Support should be stronger and more accessible!
Confessional #25343502: “Navigating breastfeeding and pumping for when I go back to work is more confusing than any college course I’ve taken. There should be more consistency in the resources available.”
Confessional #25335588: “I want to attend a breastfeeding support group, but I’m afraid I’ll be harshly judged for needing to supplement. So, I don’t go.”
Breastfeeding mothers need support from start to finish. They deserve resources, education, and should never feel shame for supplementing or stopping altogether.
Breastfeeding knocked me down as a new mom. It was one of the most challenging experiences of my life. Thankfully, I had a supportive partner and never felt ashamed when I turned to formula to ensure my baby’s belly was full.
My message to all mothers is simple: take care of yourself. If breastfeeding is your journey, seek help, support, and resources, and feed your baby whenever and wherever you choose. If breastfeeding isn’t your path—whether by choice or circumstance—you are still a good mother if you love your baby and ensure they’re fed.
After nearly 13 years of motherhood, I hold two beliefs above all else: 1) Fed is best, and 2) Mom’s health matters.
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Summary:
Breastfeeding can be an incredibly challenging experience for many mothers, often filled with pain, exhaustion, and mental health struggles. Regardless of how a mother chooses to feed her child—whether breastfeeding or formula feeding—she deserves support and understanding, not judgment. It’s essential to prioritize a mother’s well-being and to recognize that, ultimately, the goal is to ensure that all babies are fed and nourished.