When my 17-year-old son wanted to attend a New Year’s Eve gathering with his friends and girlfriend, I found myself facing a challenging parenting decision. Setting the right boundaries is tough enough in normal times, but during a pandemic, it made saying no a bit easier. Of course, I ended up being the villain, especially since his friends’ parents were more lenient, wanting the kids to enjoy some fun after such a difficult year. Yes, I know it’s been hard, Karen—I’ve been living through it too.
A few months later, another friend of my son turned 18, and his parents booked a hotel room for him and his friends to celebrate. After I had already said no, I found myself in the middle of a situation, with other moms calling me, my son fuming at me, and his friends bombarding me with texts insisting everything would be fine.
When my son developed an itchy throat and runny nose before Christmas, I was the one who noticed and took him for a COVID test. When my kids wanted to return to school midway through the year, they came to me seeking approval. Just last week, I reached my breaking point after my daughter was invited to a slumber party. I felt guilty denying her, considering everything these kids have been through, but I feared the gathering could quickly become a super-spreader event, especially with teenagers involved. I couldn’t help but recall how we all used to sneak out or sneak friends into parties. If a parent is okay with hosting sleepovers, they likely aren’t taking COVID precautions seriously.
While my daughter understood my reasoning, the host’s father called me on the day of the party, interrupting my work to discuss my decision. He argued for ten minutes, insisting they would be careful and asking me to reconsider. He didn’t reach out to my ex-husband, of course; once again, I was the one tasked with prioritizing our family’s health and bearing the brunt of being the bad guy.
This burden of decision-making typically falls on moms even in non-pandemic times. I’ve always been the one to notice when a child needs a doctor’s appointment, to make the arrangements, and to manage their social lives. When we run low on groceries, the kids come to me. So, a year ago, every decision felt like a life-and-death matter, placing the weight on mothers to either approve or reject nearly every family action. This has made it an incredibly exhausting year, and it’s no wonder we often feel like we’re fighting a losing battle.
The responsibility is overwhelming, and it’s frustrating that we are expected to handle these decisions alone. Some partners and ex-partners say it’s because we’re “better at it,” but that’s just not true. Being the one who has to constantly worry—deciding whether it’s safe to visit the doctor for non-COVID symptoms or whether it’s necessary to run to the store for one item—can be paralyzing. And when these responsibilities fall solely on moms, we can appear as the fun-sponges to our kids, desperately trying to keep them safe while losing sleep over these choices.
This is simply what mothers do, but it takes a significant toll. I’ve never experienced such profound exhaustion in my life.
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Summary:
This article explores the heavy burden placed on mothers during the pandemic, highlighting the challenges of decision-making in a time of uncertainty. Mothers often find themselves in the role of primary caregivers and decision-makers, leading to exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy. The piece underscores the need for shared responsibility in parenting, especially during challenging times.