Let’s kick things off with why I identify as an older mom. My life was filled with career ambitions as a journalist, and the thought of changing diapers or staying in at night didn’t appeal to me. Then, one day, I reached the age of 40 and turned to my partner, saying, “It’s now or never.” Five months later, the moment had arrived.
The Positives
I know who I am.
Having a baby in my 40s felt like a stroke of luck. Becoming a mom later in life brought its own set of perks. Unlike my younger years, I was secure in my identity, not trying to navigate motherhood while still figuring out my own life.
I have more time and patience.
While I’m not perfect, I have more time to invest in my parenting now than I would have had in my 20s. This gives me the opportunity to read up on parenting techniques. My patience, while still a work in progress, is definitely improved compared to my earlier, busier days as a reporter.
I can afford time off.
Thanks to my partner’s job, I was in a position to take time off after our child was born. With two decades of work experience under my belt, taking that break felt less daunting, knowing I had skills and connections to fall back on.
I can afford help.
We brought on a fantastic nanny, Sarah, who was truly wonderful. She loved our daughter deeply. A wise friend once told me not to feel guilty for not doing everything myself—pick the moments that matter most, like bedtime stories, and cherish them. That advice helped me be a more present mom without the exhaustion.
I’m more relaxed and fun.
As older parents, my partner and I are less caught up in strict rules. This confidence that comes with age allows us to parent in a more enjoyable and spontaneous way. We often have friends over without worrying about schedules. If a bath gets skipped, no big deal! I find myself being more playful and willing to engage in silly antics with my daughter, like doing a goofy dance for a TikTok video, which she proudly shared with the caption, “I have the coolest mom!”
The Negatives
I’m older.
I definitely feel the difference in my body. I have to stretch more frequently to avoid pulling a muscle when lifting my daughter. I tire easily and need my own time to recharge. Sometimes, I find myself dreaming of a quiet flight across the ocean, just me, a glass of wine, and a movie.
I’m older than other parents.
While I feel confident in many ways, I still struggle with the fact that I’m older than many of my peers. On my 50th birthday, I awkwardly lied about my age during a school event, not wanting to draw attention to it. I wish I could embrace my age better, but it’s challenging.
I’m not tech-savvy.
I feel a generation removed from my daughter’s digital world. I don’t share her enthusiasm for online activities, from endless photos for Instagram to her Roblox creations. If I were younger, I might engage more, but right now, I find it hard to relate.
I worry that others notice my age.
There have been moments, like at the doctor’s office, when I felt the nurse was surprised to see me as a mom. Or the time at a water park when I realized the adults around me were all grandparents, and I was the only one still parenting. It can be a bit disheartening.
Despite these challenges, I wouldn’t trade being an older mom for anything. I truly feel fortunate.
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In summary, being an older mom comes with its unique set of advantages and disadvantages. While I face physical challenges and sometimes struggle with my age compared to other parents, I also have the wisdom and experience that enrich my parenting journey. I embrace the moments of joy and silliness with my child, knowing that I am fortunate to be on this path.