Have you ever been left speechless by someone’s words? I found myself in that exact position today when I stumbled upon an old black, long-sleeved, low-cut shirt from my past—one I used to wear while dealing cards. It brought back memories, particularly the last time I wore it when my so-called friend, Liam, commented that I “dressed inappropriately.”
Let’s dig into why that comment infuriated me.
Honestly, I don’t care what others wear, and I hope I’m not the only one. Judging someone based on their clothing choices is simply absurd. When I worked in the nightlife industry, my boss allowed us to wear whatever we liked, as long as it was reasonable. Sure, dress codes vary, but my employer understood that a woman’s attire doesn’t define her capabilities. And let’s be real—how often do you see men facing the same level of scrutiny for their clothing? It’s rarely the case.
Now, about the shame that comes with being called “inappropriate.”
“The way you dress isn’t suitable for this environment.” That was Liam’s exact remark when he first saw me in that shirt. He had hired me to play in a pit orchestra, and when he dropped by during my shift, he took one look at me and frowned.
At first, I thought his expression was just nervousness from meeting someone new. I couldn’t fathom anyone having an issue with my outfit. However, looking back, it was clear he was judging me. The distaste in his expression was evident during his next visit with his grumpy boyfriend, who was there for a card tournament. It was then that he decided to share his unwarranted opinion.
Despite us being friends, Liam felt it was okay to say that. Ironically, I had even sought his approval for a dress I wanted to wear for the show. I was worried about my tattoos being visible, but Liam had other concerns. As I showed him the photo, sipping his beer, he said, “Yeah, the dress is fine. Thank goodness. We need to get you some more modest clothes. You dress inappropriately for this event.”
What?
His words were cold and devoid of humor, leaving no room to interpret them as anything but serious. When he noticed my shocked expression, he added, “I can say that. I’m gay.”
Why is shaming still a thing?
The fight for women’s rights was about more than just the right to vote; it was about the freedom to express ourselves however we choose. Am I missing something here?
I can’t understand how a simple top from a discount store could spark such a reaction. Yet, it happens all too often—students are sent to the office for “distracting” clothing, leading to protests and movements. Young women even face life-threatening situations due to these harmful judgments.
Clothing is just that—clothing. When opinions are hurtful, they should be kept to oneself. I never commented on Liam’s questionable hairstyle or anything about his appearance. I’ve been labeled in various ways over the years, but it’s my choice to wear what I want, just as it’s his to dress as he pleases. My upbringing taught me to mind my own business unless someone is in real trouble.
And let’s discuss Liam’s use of his sexuality as a shield for his comments.
Why do people do that? It’s not acceptable behavior. By that logic, I could have retorted by criticizing his lifestyle choices, but I chose not to.
Throughout our friendship, Liam’s “concern” weighed heavily on me. When I wore the dress on opening night, I pretended not to notice how he examined me, all while he was busy looking through his music. Even as he continued to critique my wardrobe, I never confronted him directly.
Eventually, I realized that true friendship shouldn’t require you to conform to someone else’s expectations. I decided it was time to distance myself from Liam, even if that meant ghosting him entirely. Negativity can be overwhelming, and his was becoming unbearable.
“I’m just trying to help you,” he would say, but kindness should never come with conditions.
Women don’t need to be “fixed.”
We are fully aware of how we present ourselves. A woman could choose to wear anything, and she would still be the same person. So why is society so invested in controlling women’s choices?
If you can’t be yourself around someone, it’s important to move on, even if it means losing a friend. Liam still tries to reach out, but I believe we’re better off apart. If we were ever to meet again, I would wear that same shirt proudly—it’s a statement I refuse to hide.
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In summary
It’s essential to embrace individuality and reject negative judgments about appearance. Clothing should never define worth or capabilities, and friendships should foster freedom to be oneself.