It’s been quite a year. A long stretch of navigating constant change and uncertainty. The pandemic has undeniably affected our collective mental health, but what worries me most are the mothers grappling with long-standing perfectionism who feel they’ve lost control during these trying times.
Perfectionism often stems from societal pressures and the instinct to survive—fitting in, feeling safe, and being accepted. Since the days of early humans, our brains have evolved to prioritize safety. We had to be vigilant to avoid danger or exclusion, which made us more aware of our surroundings and ourselves. Over the years, this heightened awareness has morphed into a tendency to catastrophize, a pattern that many of us struggle with.
Perfectionists excel at recognizing their shortcomings, fixating on potential failures, and imposing immense pressure on themselves to be flawless, regardless of their circumstances. As women and mothers, we’ve been conditioned to follow the rules, prioritize others’ needs, and maintain an image of perfection in our roles. This mindset has become a form of psychological strain, especially in light of the pandemic.
Why? Because everything has changed. Our routines, our norms, and our lives have been upended. How can we adapt to this new reality perfectly, especially when we lack the experience, knowledge, and support? Many mothers are now trapped in a cycle of unmet desires and overwhelming feelings of failure in every aspect of their lives.
How can we excel at remote work while our children are crying in the background? How can we prioritize our mental health when our usual outlets for coping have vanished, and we’re busy catering to our children’s emotional and physical needs? This struggle can lead to a sense of losing control, pushing many women to revert to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Increased alcohol consumption, anxiety, and depression are becoming more common.
I understand your plight because I am you. I, too, have turned to drinking more frequently, experienced heightened worry, and felt unfamiliar physical pains. Here are some strategies that have helped me and the incredible women I work with:
- Acknowledge the Reality: Let’s face it—THIS IS HARD. We’re doing our best. All feelings we experience during these chaotic times are valid and part of being human.
- Breathe Deeply: Take ten deep belly breaths—inhale through your nose for five seconds, hold, then exhale slowly for another five seconds. This calms the nervous system and signals safety to your brain.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Accept your desire for perfection as a survival instinct. You’re just trying to make it through.
- Be Intentional with Your Energy: We don’t have unlimited resources, so it’s essential to focus on what truly matters. Identify 1-2 areas of your life to excel in and allow yourself to be average in others.
- Embrace the Enough-ness: Feel your emotions, acknowledge the challenges, but also recognize the good. Focusing on the positives can lead to a healthier mental state.
As a mother and recovering perfectionist, I understand the current struggles. Perhaps this is a moment from the universe urging us to release unrealistic expectations and prioritize what truly matters. Remember, we can’t pour from an empty cup, so we must prioritize ourselves as well.
You matter, mama. The pressure to be perfect is out. Embracing imperfection is in.
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Summary
This article discusses the challenges that mothers face, especially during the pandemic, due to societal pressures of perfectionism. It offers practical strategies for coping, encouraging self-compassion and acceptance of our current realities. Acknowledging that perfection is unattainable can help mothers prioritize their well-being and find balance in their lives.